can you say, "ROAD TRIP" ?
am totally psyched abt my trip up to kl tmr nite :)))))
heading to the sepang international circuit on sat morn to watch a coupla races
then shop shop shop till i drop.
and all this with my favourite person on earth.
to think i was worried my dad'd never agree
it hardly even took much convincing !
the ultimate scam artist strikes again.
my devious little plans always have this confounded way of backfiring.
but not this time.
this is wayy trippy.
all i can think abt rite now is going hm to packpackpack.
then bid goodbye to ma & pa and get the show on the road !
oops i'm a day early
tht'd be tmr.
hehehe
found out yesterday tht one of my colleagues is chronically depressed.
rather disconcerting, but at the same time, i feel really awful fer her.
it just never hit me how big an influence jobs have on our lives.
shes depressed cos shes stuck in a job she hates,
in an environment tht suffocates her,
and surrounded by pple who think shes incompetent & lazy.
bitching is a worldwide addiction and an internationally popular past-time,
the workplace being the mother of all bitching hubs.
she used to ignore me completely every morning when she walked into the office
and when i greeted her, she'd never smile.
so i thot this chick's either really arrogant and/or shes seriously derranged, cos she did kinda look it.
but lately shes been warming up to me - smiling back in the morning and making small talk before she heads off fer lunch.
then yesterday, pouring her misery on me.
now i just feel so sorry fer her, and i wish there was some way i cld make her happier.
dont know what i shld do.
solitude is but a catalyst to the destructive effects of depression.
-
the mixed emotions of this entry is making me feel queasy.
i'm the mother superior of procrastinators.
still.havent.written.tht.resignation.letter.
and i'm starting to worry it might be a lil late !
PLUS
i needa ask fer early leave tmr so i can go hm n shower before i jet
butttttt
i dont know which is the best way to do it.
via email ? (which wld be oh-so-convenient, and wld save us all from my stuttering)
over the phone ? (seems kinda rude ... and it doesnt help the stuttering)
face-to face (best option, meaning i needa pluck up some courage AND work on the stuttering)
i think i'll stick with the email :D
i'm chicken like tht.
the neptunes - lap dance
the masochist gnarled at 3/31/2005 09:55:00 AM
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
so stoked
have got 2 driving lessons in a row tonight.
talk abt compulsion.
to alotta pple, thts probably considered normal.
but its gonna be my first time doing tht, am gonna be stoned outta my eyeballs after work.
must pray fer a patient/tolerant instructor cos i havent had lessons in approx. 2 wks. hur.
shocked the living daylights outta leon the other nite wif my driving "skills" of late.
and lets not talk abt last nite.
bleah.
the masochist gnarled at 3/30/2005 11:26:00 AM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
the masochist gnarled at 3/29/2005 02:34:00 PM
the rain in spain
don't you just love "my fair lady" ?
its been a gazillion yrs since i watched it. thts long enough fer my peabrain to forget the story.
but who can possibly forget the songs & tht scene where shes practising her speech alone and finally corrects her cockney slang. and thts where the song begins ... i think.
haha aight very TnT moment right there fer ya.
have got a really strong hunch tht i'm the only moron who actually grew up watching tht channel.
hmmm TnT ... wtf does it stand fer again ?
anyhow,
the weather is just heavenly fer some uninterrupted slumber.
reminds me of the countless times i played hooky to go snooze at leon's and his pitch black room.
too bad i'm stuck here at this reception counter staring at grey clouds thru fogged up windows panes.
i love the smell of rain.
its got this mysteriously calming effect, and fer some reason reminds me of my elusive childhood.
i've been so ace at blocking out horrid childhood memories tht any memory at all comes in fragments, the most fragmented ones being the nicest.
my words have this tendency to mutate into scary lil verbal monsters tht shld be kept locked up tight in closets.
comfort zones provide a safe sanctuary fer the ogre in me to emerge.
maybe the ogre's not even IN me. maybe i'm the ogre inside and out.
the most mind-boggling (and perhaps comforting) thing is, someone still loves me.
must thank shrek fer upping the popularity of ogres :)
finally caught "Hitch" yesterday and it was hilarious.
we're talking "rotflol" hilarious.
eva mendes may not be my "type" but she sure is one helluva comedian.
hehe i almost got gastric watching.
dont you just love funny girls :)
oh and my beloved bomster walked my monstrous sisters with me yesterday.
the terrible two were dragging us all thru the garden with leon traipsing arnd in his baggy pants.
it was like speedwalking with furry golden 30kg weights (yes they're THT heavy ...).
cant wait to watch tht schindler's list rental dvd we got from video ezy.
am rarin to absorb all tht historical content & get overwhelmed by tragic emotions & empathy.no matter what the extent of damage a certain miss i'm-so-ugly-only-angmohs-want-me has done, i will always have this insatiable desire to immerse myself in oceans of history.
its ironic how much we had to endure from two years of hating a subject we started off being in love with.
now its like re-lighting an old flame.
the sweetest thing just happened.
the UPS malay auntie who comes in daily just told me shes gonna miss me when i go off to uni cos she doesnt have a daughter so she treats me like i'm her's.
one of the reasons why its taking me so goddamn long to write my resignation letter ...
snoop dogg ft justin timberlake - signs
the masochist gnarled at 3/29/2005 10:58:00 AM
Monday, March 28, 2005
arty farty telepathy
this hypersensitivity's gotta stop somewhere. my nerves are ready to jump at any given chance and if i go on this way, i'm gonna have blood pressure problems. i'm no fan of medication so prescription drugs are a nono. i'd gladly accept free spa treatment tho :)
lazy pple searching fer shortcuts to get to what/where they want. i feel like screaming "get off yer lazy ass and DO SOMETHING dammit !"
sometimes i think i shld be screaming tht at the mirror.
but hey, i'm way less lazy rite now, as compared to last yr.
wayyyyy less.
we were talking abt marriage and false hopes and disappointment last night.
what is it with girls clinging on to unrealistic dreams, then completely losing it when things dont work out ? he's 19 fer pete's sake, and hes probably got the brains of a lab rat.
and so have you fer thinking he's god's little christmas present to you.
so you think hes mr perfect cos yada yada.
well i've got news fer you, he just hasnt seen the world yet.
and theres still plenty of time fer tht.
yes i'm jaded. and cynical. and judgemental. and shld be shot.
but please, wake up yer fucking idea.
haha oh man, i believe thts the first time i've ever used tht atrocious phrase.
anyways, dont get me wrong.
i'm not against marriage, neither am i against early planning (whateveryoumightwannacallit).
some of you out there do actually have some inkling of the direction in which yer headed.
i'm just saying, be wise bout things. theres nothing worse than one-sided ambitions tht just make you end up looking stupid & immensely naive.
hee haww.
i feel so crazy today.
maybe its cos its our 14 month anniversaryyy !!!
gee and my hair smells like coconuts. all thanks to tht hair treatment thingy my mom got from aus.
maybe thts the reason i feel like barfing so bad.
but anyways, since we've both got tummy upsets, we're calling off our dinner.
we're gonna get a mud pie from nydc instead and stick a candle in it ! (no, not 14 candles).
cant see how thts gonna be any good fer our tummies as opposed to dinner.
but i dont care !
we're gonna have our cake, and eat it.
oh man i'm a walking talking malapropism bomb.
so shoot me.
bang bang
i'm dead.
saves the day - at your funeral
the masochist gnarled at 3/28/2005 10:35:00 AM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
a desolate mind and endless solitude, a lethal combination tht brings a slow painful death.
the pain you endure, like rats gnawing at rotten flesh, where old wounds are robbed of their chance to heal and infections set in at the speed of lightning. why let your emotions have total reign over the choices you make ? theres nothing more revolting than succumbing to the greed and pleasures of the ones who use you as tho you were nothing more than a reusable bag.
when yer contented with what you have, its almost impossible to recall the misery and depression tht used to loom over your days. and altho its easy to forget every little detail tht once tormented you relentlessly, you emerge from the ordeal with invisible scars daintily concealed by a cloak of happiness. you almost cannot remember a single thing, thus forcing yourself to believe you've "gotten over" things. but what you dont see, is the undetectable yet powerful and enormous change tht has taken place. yer no longer weak and vulnerable. you dont know why you cant seem to engage in intimate relationships anymore. you've always spoken yer mind, yer words coming directly from the heart, but they no longer sound genuine when you actually hear em. what is it you've become ?
its no one's fault when you find yerself no longer able to trust. and when tht happens, how are you able to love ?
i no longer peel my scabs, thus allowing all wounds to heal over time. some heal quickly, some tk a lil longer. but what matters most is ending up scar-free and completely consumed by love.
the masochist gnarled at 3/24/2005 10:35:00 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
kerplunk
being the walking contradiction tht i am, i make futile attempts to take back all the tactless and casual remarks i so flippantly toss arnd in the faces of highly sensitive individuals. i blame it all on fatigue, the merciless demon who so often possesses me to become the acid-tongued serpent tht i am 80 percent of the time. it saps me of all my energy, so much so tht i cant even find the strength to curl my lips upwards in a smile upon the return of my parents.
the kind souls return bearing gifts:
- a 100ml bottle of ralph cool ! :)
- an assortment of grapes personally picked directly from the vineyard tht weigh 1kg each
- a pretty camisole
- a not so pretty cap and
- MONSTER COOKIES the aussies call "florentine" (think nuts n raisins and a layer of chocolate at its base).
perth is no shopping haven, believe you me ( never understood tht phrase, but i use it anyway :)). but anywhere in oz sure is food haven -slurrrp-
everyone seems to be returning from holidaying in bali.
someone please tell me what the big hoo-ha is so i can finally decide on a getaway destination.
death.
where do we go from there ?
my aunt's mother-in-law passed away yesterday, thus my bushed parents had to attend the wake after having arrived at hm only 10mins before.
never actually even knew her so i didnt feel so bad abt not attending, fatigue (again) being my lame but honest excuse.
everyone has their own individual perceptions and feelings towards death.
ive always wondered what it'd feel like being in a morgue. perhaps not alone, tht wld be too extreme fer my weak heart to handle (weak heart my ass). but to stand there among countless stone cold bodies, some with their eyes still open thanks to rigamortis setting in too soon.
just standing there, observing and taking in the stillness and invisible forces tht permeate the room.
disconcerting indeed, yet eerily intriguing.
must stop before i start freaking myself out.
wonder if they allow visits to morgues, like a personal field trip.
birthday celebrations tmr in the pantry fer pple whose birthdays fall on the months of jan & feb.
tht wld include me ! wheee :)
okayy tht'll be enough fer now.
hope i've satisfied a request to "blog more!"
i seriously think we shld give ourselves a break n quit our jobs soon :)
oh by the way,
i'm in love with the brilliance of electrico.
honestly, who'd have thought a local band cld be this good.
earworm, i believe, is what tht perfect 10 newbie called it.
crowd killer is my current earworm.
the masochist gnarled at 3/23/2005 09:49:00 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
been doing a fair amount of thinking and getting my mind filled up n exploding with a gazillion "what ifs". its been over a month since results have been released and it'll tk approximately 2 months before i find out where i get accepted. considering my lazyass style of applying fer uni (i.e. skipping entire sections requiring an elaborate -we're talking 1000 words minimum- write-up on personal strengths, talents, etc), i wldnt be surprised if i get myself holed up in some course i'd be terribly dissatisfied with. its been 3 yrs since i've graduated from st nicks and my Os cert is still sittin nice n pretty (or dusty and rotting, who knows) in some drawer at the HOD office. the best part is, they make it so excruciatingly inconvenient fer pple like me who work 9-5 (or thereabouts) to collect the goddamn thing. the office closes at 5pm daily and is apparently not open on weekends (being an old girl, i can guarantee you tht the stinkin' place is definitely open on weekends).
but enough of tht already.
i've still got a buzz from the absolutely smashin' weekend i had.
will not go into further detail so as to spare you from perpetually monotonous accounts tht sound every bit the epitome of fun and excitement to my very own ears.
on the other hand, despite everything, i do kinda miss my parents in an odd special way.
the old fogies return today ! :)
the wedding dinner of one of my colleagues on friday night was madfun. in short, it was tons of beerdrinking, toasting, alonglongwait fer food, silly jokes abt the before&after marriage scenarios and whatnot. felt lucky & relieved tht me and leon were seated among the jesters of the party, thereby guaranteeing a night of laughter & entertainment.
weekends go by so very quickly, sometimes you wish time'd stand still fer the few special moments you want to store vividly in memory. and i dont remember us squabbling, meaning we kept our promise :) (i think ...)
sometimes, its not out of the ordinary to be fearful of what the future holds. we all worry abt uncertainties and being caught off guard and unprepared at some point in time. but there are days where i find the past so overwhelmingly more horrifying and ghastly. besides wanting to store various things locked up tight in my memory bank, there're also the others i wish i cld erase as quickly and simply as hitting a delete button.
its not everyday you get hit by nostalgia and a sudden burning desire to want to spend the day with old friends you adore.
"old friends" make us sound prehistoric, but approx. 8 yrs of friendship fer a group of 19 yr olds sound like an incredibly long time. thts an extra large chunk of our lives, spanning from pre-pubescent yrs, to adolescence and the beginning of adulthood. in some way or other, we'll always be juvenile delinquents heavily disguised as almost fully matured undergrads :)
cant wait to see you foxy ladies tmr night !
electrico - crowd killer
the masochist gnarled at 3/22/2005 10:43:00 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
and together now. say woot !
-night safari last nite :)
-got matching night safari tees (potential pj material)
-finally at subject 31 fer driving (the last one's 33)
-my nose's leaking like a tap n my throat's sore again
-parents are flying off tonight !!!!
-hence our 4 day 3 night camp begins :D
-attending a colleague's wedding dinner tonight, wif bomster as my date
-basically just dead tired ... i wanna go hm and slp.
am unable to form complete sentences.
garbage - queer
the masochist gnarled at 3/18/2005 10:00:00 AM
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
its funny how things change, and words dont mean as much.
spent the entire morning re-reading old emails and purging my inbox of inconsequential junk. sometimes its fun to dig up ghosts of the past purely to exorcise em from the tranquility of the status quo. focused less on the big picture and more on the nitty gritty aspects of electronic mail.
theres more to be done tho.
head of straw and a throat thts sore.
i'm not the happiest girl at the moment.
my hair desperately needs some treatment.
on the other hand,
cupid cookie monster makes me happy all the time :)
stroke 9 - letters
the masochist gnarled at 3/16/2005 10:42:00 AM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
will you please have a look at this ?!
http://sites.gizoogle.com/?url=http://www.trippinteetotaller.blogspot.com/
hahah fucking funny ghetto version of my blog.
fo' shizzle !
rite.
the masochist gnarled at 3/15/2005 05:08:00 PM
plagued by worries tht've materialized all too suddenly. just like history, rinse and repeat. paranoia at its peak, or just a helpless victim of vicious cycles. i find myself turning to these frivolous thoughts everytime i get time alone, the screaming voices in my head mercilessly endeavouring to pierce the impenetrable walls of my skull. bleeding black, but taking in powdery white. like a drug but not quite. just broken scenes and fragmented images, hopefully nothing but a figment of my imagination. why is it tht i find sadistic pleasure in digging up the past and letting it haunt me when it was precisely tht tht tormented me fer 3 and a half years ?
i do a lousy job of consoling myself by thinking tht i've been handling this inner turmoil well.
reminders of the past are everywhere.
i cant be the only one affected, surely you see it too.
and what is it you feel when you do ?
i'm no good wif these things. i'd rather bottle up and explode than divulge personal dilemmas tht burn me up inside. so if you ask me, expect to hear nothing.
-
i miss my weekly SATC indulgence.
i can totally relate to carrie's neurosis.
desperate housewives just doesnt quite measure up.
after all, a teenage girl finds it so much easier to relate to 4 single chicks dealing wif issues tht dont change wif age as compared to 4 middle-aged desperados trying to solve a mysterious suicide.
then again, gabrielle is SO hot :D
the masochist gnarled at 3/15/2005 09:20:00 AM
Monday, March 14, 2005
Well ive been given my brush and plate
Where will I paint my life
And will the buyer in the sky
Believe in what I dream
And its so hard for me to explain
What i will miss to myself
Only the end of the red
Will show you my blueside
the masochist gnarled at 3/14/2005 10:35:00 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
did i mention, i've been invited to be part of a threesome ?
haha !
hey gorgeous,
we're a couple here(guy & gal) who's been together for a couple of years. we're really into exploring each other's fantasies. therefore seeking lesbian females who are keen and open enough to be part of our exploration.
getting straight to the point, we're on for a fantasy of threesomes, where both of us, me and you will get it on, while my hubby will sit aside and watch while he masturbates. The rules are simple, he will not be laying his hands on you, neither can you touch him. It just between you and me, while he watches. Once violated, we'll stop immdiately. Or you can sit back relax and just watch us.
We practice safe sex. This will be a no strings attach deal, therefore there will be no revealing of any of our real identity, if you understand wad i mean. would you like to send us your picture? would you like to leave yr email for us to send you our pictures too. We can also just chat,If you dont mind to add us to your msn.
*****_****@hotmail.com
Hope you dont get offended by us emailing you like this.hear from you again baby.
the masochist gnarled at 3/11/2005 03:46:00 PM
the only girl who ever gave me the time
was the only one who wanted five minutes of mine
knocking boots in the back, how degrading is that ?
i decline
the masochist gnarled at 3/11/2005 12:58:00 PM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
You scored as Defier/rebel. Your procrastination type is the defier, also known as the rebel. Defiers like to break the rules and rebel against chores and other assignments given to them. They take offense when given tasks by other people and are insulted by suggestions to change their habits. Rebelling is a normal thing that teens do to test how much power they have over their lives, but it can go past the common testing of rules and limits when some people "get stuck in the mode of rebelling."
What type of procrastinator are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
the masochist gnarled at 3/10/2005 03:07:00 PM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
light my candles, in a daze cos i've found God
my euphoria, beyond words. an explosion of a million colours tht fill my black and white world, temporarily concealing the grey area fer a moment of pure elation. familiar feelings of what we call "joy", "relief", "satisfaction" and "achievement" - words i've archived fer some time as their association wif my usually grim circumstances is unsuitable. no longer in a perpetual state of putrefaction and i can finally breathe. so i celebrate now, before i get rudely awakened from this fantastical dream and am forced to come back down to earth.
beyond the delirium and all the fuss.
headed down to alliance francaise yesterday to enroll for french lessons, only to find tht the saturday morning slot i wanted is fully booked and the semester had already begun last week. will now hafta wait approximately 2 months fer the next semester to start in may. not too disheartened as i've already got my plate full wif neverending driving lessons and maybe piano lessons as well :D
speaking of driving lessons, i have two in a row tonight =
as tho a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders, i now feel ready to tk on just abt anythg. on the same day i received my A lvl results, i also got a letter from the driving centre stating tht i'd passed my final theory test. friday was definitely the best day of my life :) so i treated my folks to a heavy dinner at killiney and durians arnd bugis fer dessert.
things're finally starting to look up. but dont worry, i'm still morbid in more ways than you can imagine.
kottonmouth kings - daydreamin fazes
the masochist gnarled at 3/09/2005 08:53:00 AM
Thursday, March 03, 2005
at the end of my tether.
its not necessarily the extent of one's boredom tht drives them near insanity. but rather the process of thinking up ways to quell tht boredom and executing the well-thought out plans one has come up wif. this being one of those intricate plans of course.
as doomsday comes forth, i begin to shiver in my fuschia panties and break into a cold sweat, nearly hyperventilating at the thot of how badly i've done. but its all good. as i desperately find ways to console myself, i can turn my morbid thots to my office cleaning lady's daughter who has somehow landed herself in ITE despite retaking her O levels and getting the exact same crumby results she got the first time round. or my dear cousin who got 27 points (L1R4, mind you) fer Os and is now floating arnd somewhere in limbo. as you see, i noe of nobody who has actually done really badly fer As (my cousins all having entered NUS despite mediocre grades - shitty courses tho). lks like the ones wif the crumby results usually get flown overseas in the nick of time, just before nosey relatives and inquisitive/competitive friends begin to ask abt their results. shite, tht wld be me. potential recluse whose downfall was caused by ... focusing too much on food. no actually, caused by too many factors not worth mentioning (food being one of them. haha ok NOT).
but that aside.
the weather's been shitty.
perhaps an omen ? i wldnt be surprised.
stormy weather signals evil, impending doom, has negative connotation and is just plain shitty if you ask me.
i picture a lightning bolt striking the roof of the cjc building tmr just as i rip open my result slip.
ok enough of tht shit, am supposed to change the topic.
but really. i dont noe what else to say besides I'M FUCKING SCREWED !
on a happier note :
my best friend came to have lunch wif me today :)
my 2nd visitor after a long long time (the first being leon of course).
thanks fer coming !
now tht you've seen how beautiful harbourfront is, i hope you'll drop by more frequently.
revelation of the day : we have eerily similar eating habits. sushi, macaroni, soya bean. my goodness, those are my weekly staples. not forgetting duck rice, yoshi beef bowl, subway melt, pork chop rice, pork porridge, yong tau fu, hokkien mee and bak kut teh. oops, i reveal too much.
i'm finally done wif the da vinci code. now, to pass on tht 593-page read to leon who has just recently purchased a reading light from borders which looks semi-retarded in a cute way. the kind you clip at the top of yer book while you read in bed. damn cute rite ? hehe very useful fer him actually, considering his light switch is fucking far (approx 2 metres) from his bed.
and fyi,
closer is one of the lousiest movies i've caught so far. boring, borderline disturbing, completely unpredicatible mainly cos i cldnt predict how boring it really was - the trailer having been quite interesting. i suppose many can identify wif certain characters in the movie, hell, I CAN. but i cannot quite understand why 2 english blokes wld be fighting over tht total whore, anna. of course, the good girl always loses out.
will stop wasting space talking abt stupid movies.
time to step outta the office.
adios amigos.
saves the day - in reverie
the masochist gnarled at 3/03/2005 01:55:00 PM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
to be devoid of all emotion is probably the safest bet when dealing wif the dramaqueens and bullshitkings of this century.
two daft punks prawning in the middle of a heavy downpour - 2 words : smelly fingers.
sipping milo, trying to keep warm and handling bloody cockels all at once, no simple feat.
my favourite part ?
ripping off lil pincers n banging the plastic bag of prawns against hard objects to stop em from fidgeting abt.
de sade indeed.
champagne wif orange juice + fruit punch + vodka cranberry @ zouk on sat nite.
the only high of the evening ?
getting to see my char the shark.
trudged off to slp at 230am feeling completely wiped out.
champagne + orange juice - very yum.
our running sessions at nie have gradually become walk-a-thons.
surprisingly, my thighs are still aching from barely having done any exercise at all.
due to a severe shortage of players on sunday, my dear bomster & his friends let gil n i join in their weekly game :)
obviously i was completely useless - busied myself wif trying to look useful hehe
gil, on the other hand, is one helluva goalie ! :D
we secretly pray fer leon's friends to not make it again this sunday.
teehee.
am thrilled to see tht vern's doing tons better - seemingly more energetic n no more bloating.
it was worth the effort rushing down to sgh after taking my final theory at amk.
an extremely last minute decision, but definitely worth it.
monday's events passed like a whirlwind, leaving me wif nothing but fatigue and a burnt tongue.
thts fer gulping down hot chocolate n hot vanilla like an effing machine without taking note of the word "hot" in the names of these beverages.
my time at sgh was plagued wif much highly-uncalled-for burping, a broken recorder tht kept going "quando quando quando" and toothepaste-like chewing gum.
there was much laughter too, of course :)
watched a silly video supposedly dedicated to thumbelina (vern's dog) but all i remem was the "ugly butch" and what we thot was the "ugly butch", the "girl with no dress sense", vern's mom n dad's mouth opening and closing but us not being able to hear anything, a big fat caucasian ass and cole spreading and closing thumbe's forelegs mercilessly.
am hoping to see her again today if time permits.
have got driving tonight ...
amk again.
thankfully i love long train rides :)
am embarrassed to get caught reading the da vinci code. yet, simultaneously, i'm also embarrassed to be one of the few who havent read it yet.
half the ah lians in my office have.
tht explains my strange embarrassment.
sum 41 - pieces
the masochist gnarled at 3/01/2005 10:59:00 AM