get well soon, vern.
we love you.
the masochist gnarled at 2/25/2005 01:10:00 PM
Thursday, February 24, 2005
a paralysing stalemate.
just when you think a rotten situation yer in has changed fer the better, things have this tragically warped way of telling you yer stuck and theres no way out. a lost soul crying out fer a glimmer of hope and some form of assurance tht things will be okayy.
woke up to one of the most dreadful things this morning, and since then its been nothing but thursday blues. this helplessness only gets worse when you realise the cause fer all yer worrying is uncontactable in every way you cld possibly think of. i just wish someone wld tell me whats really going on.
the masochist gnarled at 2/24/2005 10:52:00 AM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
name your poison.
caught hide & seek last nite, and cldnt help but notice the striking resemblance btw dakota fanning and emily strange. coincidentally, fanning's character is named emily - perhaps not so much of a coincidence after all. anyhow, it was worth watching, minus the few draggy bits. i love twisted plots, psychopaths, blood n gore. it reminded me a lil bit of "the others" tho - does anyone have the dvd/vcd i can borrow ?
this verbal junkyard has lost its appeal.
things to do, places to go :
-UK funfair
-piano lessons
-french classes
-prawning :)
-catch Ray
-get my fucking driver's licence
we've got a secret pact going on, leon and i.
you just wait and see, bomPster.
red hot chilli peppers - under the bridge
the masochist gnarled at 2/23/2005 01:39:00 PM
a not-so-ordinary monday nite
more pics here
the masochist gnarled at 2/23/2005 09:08:00 AM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
this is fer my bitches whom i love so much.
and esp fer jin - we're gonna be missing you, biatch :)
the masochist gnarled at 2/22/2005 03:46:00 PM
the past coupla days have indeed been hectic.
golden tans at sentosa and dog paddling. unsightly scratches n sunburns tht sting. pool frisbee at lakepoint n recuperating in tht sunless cave. all this topped off wif my favourite biatches indulging in a hearty "happy steamboat" buffet, unabashed face-stuffing and completely uninhibited laughter + conversation. a very st nicks' moment, much like the kind we used to have as we sat arnd the canteen n acted however we wanted, regardless of who's watching. we were loud, we didnt care who heard our dirty jokes n crude comments, we didnt give a shit if someone else was losing their appetite listening to us. we were in our own lil bubble and no way in hell was anyone gonna come along and burst it. at dinner, leon n i forgot how tired we were from our early morning activities at the beach - dinner was THAT much of a blast :) thank you monsta fer the oreo cheesecake (my fave !), and gracie fer Ethan Hawke's Ash Wednesday.
was completely merciless as i dragged bomster arnd wif me the whole of saturday- waking him at the unearthly hr of 9 in the morning to head to e beach fer some canine torture, then to the pool to soak up some rays, and finally to a dinner wif a bunch of rowdy ladies. i know hardly any appreciation has been shown fer yer enormous efforts, but its definitely not cos they havent been recognised. thanks fer remaining energetic enough to last thru the entire day wif me baby =)
was hoping to catch up on some slp on sunday and laze the afternoon away, but nooooo. woke up fer brunch wif my parents and was force-fed (by yours truly, actually. kaya toast at killiney is too irresistable) despite the awful tummy ache i developed - signature after-effects of steamboat. shopped arnd town wif mom after tht fer an hour or two and realised tht forever 21 actually has got the most buyable things, as much as i hate to admit it. have still got a phobia of shopping frm places like topshop, mango, zara n esp forever 21 cos they seem to have unlimited production levels thereby resultg in singaporean chicks all dressing alike.
aight ANYWAYS, went swimming at sicc wif gil but it was more like a pure tanning session cos all we did was 4 pathetic laps then back to the deck chairs to collapse n relax. walked my dogs then headed to nie fer our routine torture session arnd the track and embarked on a long walk hm after tht. dont know how i managed to last all thru the day considering the on-going tummy ache and how shitty i felt in the morning. but it was great fun as always =)
to think i'd finally get some rest after work on monday. instead of just chilling out at hm, or perhaps even arnd town, gil and i managed to end up at one fullerton at 10pm last nite. it all started out wif an innocent shopping trip which resulted in a coupla purchases from one of those places i try so hard to avoid. took a bus down to clarke quay after tht so she cld collect her pay from her workplace. on our way there, we were distracted by a conspicuous sign which read "river cruise" which was pasted on the window of a lil ticket booth. after much camera whoring n taking in the sights of both quays, we disembarked at the merlion and bought some drinks at her other work place. unpredictable escapades like these are one of those tht remain firmly etched in memory. will get the pics posted up when i finally get some time to slack in front of my comp at hm.
think its time fer my wordy entry to come to an abrupt end. there you have it, a summary of sat, sun and monday. a thorough explanation of why i'm so fucking bushed this morning. but no rest fer me, i'm catching Hide And Seek tonight wif my favourite person :) some pple never learn.
bowling for soup - almost
the masochist gnarled at 2/22/2005 09:22:00 AM
Friday, February 18, 2005
19 and a day older, none the wiser.
birthdays go by in the blink of an eye, and it nv really feels any different.
woke up to an inbox flooded wif birthday wishes, thereby injecting much euphoria to the start of my day. thank you, everyone, fer making my day a special one :) am very thrilled and overjoyed at the presents received, esp the guess watch which i've been eyeing fer some time (thanks baby!). mom got me birkies (tho i'm not much of a birkenstock-wearing chick), shes been splurging quite a bit :) thanks mom, tho you wont be reading this (thank god !). all in all, it was a quiet affair thanks to work which kept me from spendg my day wif the other impt pple in my life. was treated to a fantastic italian dinner at zambuca restaurant (pan pacific), followed by a specially requested 2kg chocolate cake wif a pink panther design on it. yummmm :) managed to squeeze in some time wif my baby after dinner, therefore making my night complete <3
having said all tht, i must confess, birthdays have nv been a favourite of mine. i'm just glad its over. turning 19 was not something i particularly looked forward to, but the inevitable and irrevocable must happen nonetheless.
am done wif Prozac Nation and currently have my nose buried in Man And His Symbols by Carl G. Jung. not quite sure what to expect, but i'm hoping fer an interesting and captivating read. am rather intrigued by all tht psychology mumbojumbo. lately, my days have been so jam-packed wif activities tht i hardly get time to myself at all. first it was vday (which was absolutely fanfuckingtastic btw), then rushing off fer driving 2 days in a row, then the birthday. i usually like my days busybusy like this, but this time i'm actually begging fer a break - to just lie in a hot bubble bath wif a good book in hand and nirvana moderately audible in the background.
its the inevitabilities tht've torn us apart bit by bit. last nite, my dad decided to impart some words of wisdom to his 19 yr old daughter by going a lil bit into a subject called friendships. usually i just roll my eyes and block the crap out wif my invisible ear plugs. but last nite, i decided to really listen, of course still not sparing him the eye-rolling ritual. as he spoke, i began to think of the friendships i've had over the yrs, those tht i've kept all this time, those still in the process of developing, and those tht've fallen apart - some i let happen and some i did not. sucha delicate matter this is, despite how friendships are meant to be the buoys tht keep us afloat in the ebb and tide of life. drifting apart is unavoidable due to all our separate agendas, but i'm thankful tht i'll always have a handful of close friends i know i can always count on no matter what. tht same handful will always be there to listen, to lend a helping hand, to flood me wif sweet msges and check up on me now and then, to talk cock wif me on msn and run wif me when i'm feeling fat, to offer me advice in times of desperation and be tht shoulder to cry on. i've never envied social butterflies who're close to and click well wif all the 459 pple on their friendster list. i dont want what they have, because a handful is all i need.
my chemical romance - to the end
the masochist gnarled at 2/18/2005 10:07:00 AM
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
the masochist gnarled at 2/18/2005 09:19:00 AM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains
i love shirley manson.
the masochist gnarled at 2/16/2005 03:56:00 PM
Monday, February 14, 2005
work is a four letter word
my life is so horrendously ordinary, i wish i cld just shoot myself and hope to be reborn. no way in hell will you get even the slightest jolt of excitement in singapore. i crave surprises everyday, but the only person who seems to be succeeding in surprising me is none other than myself.
my birthday's comin up in a coupla days. a gentle reminder to my dearest friends who have, once before, conveniently forgotten and wished me the next day ... or even the day after. i am so tragically insignificant, i am.
tragic tragic. tragic like birdshit on chanel. like a suicide attempt tht backfires. like a road trip gone wrong. like having to watch scary movie a hundred times over wif no intervals.
okayy i know what yer thinking. lighten up goddammit, its valentines' day.
i'm gonna knock myself out on cadbury tonight, my perfect antidote to monday blues.
in the meantime, i eagerly await my sweet valentine. who i assume will be late ...
brace yerself fer apple n cinnamon muffins galore.
happy valentines' day baby. i love you ! :)
the masochist gnarled at 2/14/2005 04:15:00 PM
Sunday, February 13, 2005
waste money, waste time, waste energy.
am seriously pissed off rite now. not at anythg in particular, just everythg in general. my nose is leaking like a fucking tap and my throat's sore as hell. cabs and fags : fucking waste of money. seriously, i am so sick of cny and the fucking festive mood - pigging out, watching pple gamble, relatives, whatever. thank god its gonna be over once tmr passes. in fact, tonight can pretty well be considered the end of it all fer me.
watched constantine tonite, napped an hour or two and then went on a fucking pointless car ride which resulted in me having to call a cab and tk it home from the east. highlight of the evening ? stingray at taman jurong - fucking awesome. it is, wifout a doubt, my new favourite dish.
am in the shittiest of moods thanks to a runny + sore nose and various other things i really think i shld just stfu abt. firstly, cos no one cares. secondly, cos i'm too tired fer confrontation. thirdly, cos tmr i'm gonna feel so much better and realise what a shithead i'm being. or not, these flu things cld last forever.
inside every fat girl is a skinny one screaming and begging to come out. you just need to shut the bitch up wif a pineapple tart.
goodnight.
btw, i have no clue what happened to the fucking comment box. urgh.
the masochist gnarled at 2/13/2005 02:40:00 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
dont know if i shld lick my wounds and say woe is me instead.
the masochist gnarled at 2/10/2005 02:34:00 AM
Monday, February 07, 2005
the follies of youth
went a lil testimonial-happy this morn, going arnd "testicizing" pple (s'poreans and their penchant fer coming up wif spankin new words). think i've sung enough praises fer one morning. suffering from blogger's block and enduring a classic case of the munchies.
finally got down to some productive shopping on saturday, and am now the proud owner of 2 new pairs of shoes, many pairs of earrings, a white studded belt, a dress from BloodBros and a paris-hilton-inspired bag from guess. must restrain myself from all this putrid splurging which of course, goes on top of much senseless gambling which is draining me of cash at a horrifying pace. my favourite partner in retail crime (and other immoral activities mentioned above) also managed to make a coupla excellent purchases fer the festive occasion. i, on the other hand, will have nothing new to wear fer cny, the new dress being black, and there being nothing nice enough to buy tht isnt black.
fer once, in all my yrs as an ang pao recipient, i am actually lookg forward to visiting relatives, parents' friends and various other married couples. one must resort to unscrupulous measures to build up financial resources which were used in excess thanks to many men kicking a ball arnd a field. my financial woes will be the death of me. there is no end to mindless and unnecessary expenditure and temptations too hard fer my wallet to resist.
been having my nose buried in elizabeth wurtzel's prozac nation fer the past 3 days. its so captivating yet simultaneously over-melancholic and depressive. sometimes i feel compelled to grab the narrator by the shirt collar and asking her to snap the fuck outta it. but other than tht, its a relatively good read - just the right amounts of sardonicism and a whole lot of wit in the writing. a perfect description of the life of a broken teenage nutcase wif more issues than TIME magazine and reader's digest put tog.
caught Alfie over the weekend and was just blown away by how goodlooking sienna miller and jude law are. they are the epitome of hollywood golden couples, step aside brad and jen (ok so they're getting divorced already, whatever). apart from the massive eyecandy which gave my eyeballs a sugar rush, the movie was so-so and the whole jude law one-man-show thingy wasnt all tht spectacular. my attention was wearing thin after just 45mins of impudent and profligate philandering. even sienna miller's full frontal cld only keep me interested fer the 5 mins tht it lasted.
am hoping to catch "shall we dance" before they stop screening it.
the vandals - my girlfriend's dead
the masochist gnarled at 2/07/2005 02:19:00 PM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
the forfeit is a fink
think i'm going borderline insane. unlike every other normal human being who blogs at the end of their day, i begin my daily blogging ritual early in the morning when most pple are still cranky, or in bed, or out doing something far more worthwhile. and while no one else reads this inconsequential jabberwocky at the ungodly hour of 0900 (or at any hour, for tht matter), here i am pouring my heart out to the virtual walls of cyberspace.
my sedentary life has just gotten more sedentary.
sitting/lying arnd has become the highlight of my extraordinary life.
exciting, you say ? x)
well no, not quite.
and while everyone else whinges abt needing to lose weight before cny, i will refrain at all cost and endeavour to embrace good eating and extra kilos wif full gusto :D it all began wif hamper after hamper after hamper being delivered to the office, and me being the first person to receive and open em. then came the mother of all pineapple tarts the size of hamburgers. and then the uncountable stacks of bbq-ed pork. and yada yada yada ... yes, i predict, at the end of all tht "gusto", i will be a very sad and depressed not-so-little girl. but till then ... heehee !
hmmm.
since starting on this job, i've nv been so excited abt being handed large stacks of envelopes before. cos tht means pasting stamps on those envelopes, and more importantly - having something to do. you see, how pathetic this is. so i keep telling myself tht its ok, cos i'm getting paid to do stupid things tht even a 10 yr old can handle. but tht also means my 18 yr old brain will soon begin to vegetate and all i'll be left wif is even more moronic thots and practically non-existent intelligence. but yeah anyways, money talks don't it.
i wanna to go malaysia.
who's with me ?
copeland - testing the strong ones
the masochist gnarled at 2/03/2005 08:54:00 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
It's a lovely day, just got paid
Stack it up, be on my way
It's a Lovely day, lovely day
Lovely day
as you intelligent souls quite well might've guessed, yes its payday today *jumps arnd hysterically* like AT LAST, goddamit. its abt goddamn time ! or i wldve had ta start eating fish outta the goldfish bowl. no longer hafta eat 2 dollar duck rice (seemingly cheap) wif extra eggs which cost 50cents each (cunning motherfuckin daylight robbers !) and feel penniless and guilty after tht. no one shld ever hafta feel tht way after a meal. hurrhurr.
okayy so i'm a lil too deliriouslyhappy today.
before i get all comfy on fluffy puffy lil cloud no.9 (thts a very cindy-ish moment, where everythg's "lil"), i must keep in mind the treats i owe to mom and gillian. i owe myself a kick in the ass fer offering to tk my mom to maison de fontaine (quaint lil french restaurant along scotts rd, french meaning EXORBITANT PRICES) before payday even drew close. and my dear gil, no need fer anymore crystal jade hints :) i treat you to fruit platter ok ? :D theyre cheap and healthy at nowhere but crystal jade !
finally went fer driving last nite. good god, its been almost forever. okayy not quite. but seriously, i think i almost forgot how to steer. okayy not quite either. alrite alrite in all seriousness, it was pretty damn fantastic. the lesson began wif a whole series of starting off from steep slopes, which, if you must noe, is my ultimate weakness when it comes to manual driving. but thanks to miracles and incredibly good luck (or maybe just sheer skill, *ahem*), i didnt screw up a single slope - didnt stall, didnt roll backwards, the engine didnt roar too loud, didnt fly off the slope, didnt yada yada you get my point yes ?. and then my instructor (who happened to be my fave one) proceeded to gimme a long and snoresome lecture on overtaking and checking blindspots, etc. which took up so much goddamn time tht we only managed to complete one subject last nite. shit piss fuck cu.. - okayy but it was a pretty enjoyable session :) was thoroughly satisfied.
i feel annoyingly madhappy today.
shall endeavour to compose myself and become (ab)normal again.
all this incomprehensible ecstacy cld very well be the result of my recent habit of popping happy pills. no not the conventional kind. not tht i can distinguish btw conventional n unconventional. but we're talkin vitamins here. or health supplements. or whatever the fuck you wanna call em. in my bid to get healthier, i've been gettin my mom to stuff me silly wif calcium pills, multivite (vide?), vit C, E, evening primrose, the friggin works. and either i'm hallucinating, or the goddamn things are actually beginning to tk effect. well, just a lil bit i think. altho my mom did almost give me expired pills a no. of times (accident ? hmmm..), but all's well. 'least i'm not dead or growing an extra mouth or anythg ... ... yet.
and on a much sadder and more solemn note.
arsenal lost to man utd ?!?! 4 fuckin 2 ?!?! GASP.
not tht i'm much of a fan of either. but, OMFG. not tht man u's lousy ! but seriously, i am deeply saddened by this absolute horror of all soccer phenomena. and leon wld know why ... *cringe* a bet's a bet *cringe s'more* have mercy ... ?
life is a box of mouldy chocolates.
twister - sunshine
the masochist gnarled at 2/02/2005 10:48:00 AM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
men are definitely from mars
urgently needa find quick n easy solutions to the unstoppable rupture of zits, which have, of late, made frequent appearances on my precious visage (hold yer gags). trying desperately to trace recent (bad) habits which cld have sparked off this hormonal tirade. slept super early last nite in an attempt to achieve more than 7hrs of slp so as to benefit the situation, only to be horrified in the morning upon looking into the mirror and being greeted by yet another pimple. plan B goes something like this : avoid chocs & cny goodies like the plague and drown my innards wif h2o, then cross fingers and hope fer the best.
it is truly tragic how my bank balance has shrunk wif such rapidity since starting work on the 3rd of jan. will be extremely euphoric if my pay actually manages to cover my outstanding expenditure over the past 2 months. hopefully there'll still be some moolah left fer me to make my long-anticipated purchases. once again, the much-dreaded cny approaches and i am forced to buy "appropriate" clothes fer the festive season. the festive tidbits are killing me already.
i wonder.
really, what does it take to hold two pple tog wifout having to resort to scotchtape and elephant glue. of course theres no need to cling onto each other like siamese twins, but how do you prevent drifting wifout having to spend every waking moment tog ? we've become nothing but transient meteoroids in this hopeless, faithless universe.
hunger pangs and a bursting bladder.
the skirt which ive very unwisely chosen to wear today prevents me from parading up and down the office to get to the toilet and pantry. i feel shackled and chained to the chair, famished and developing kidney stones at an alarming rate. my colleague's fascination wif my hair and asinine remarks are getting on my nerves so bad. i want to kill. kill him. sigh, 45 mins till break. my tummy struggles to stay alive.
voyeur voyeurism.
having run outta blogs to read, i was over the moon yesterday when i found a way to get access to friendster from this computer (was previously barred from it). my profile is nothing of what a normal and mature 19 year old's shld be. but anyways, before i digress further. this job has turned me into one of those pathetic voyeurs wif no life whatsoever and nothing better to do but read stupid profiles and testimonials and indulge shamelessly in the array of pics everyone has so unabashedly put on display fer all to see (i am no exception). friendster is so goddamn stupid. but i'm a part of it. and it quells my boredom. will shut up now before i contradict myself further.
now, to sit back and wait fer 1145 to creep closer.
hellogoodbye - shimmy shimmy quarter turn
the masochist gnarled at 2/01/2005 10:00:00 AM