the weekend's finally arrived. another 2 days of nothingness & pseudo mugging. have got so many other miscellaneous things on my mind, there aint no space to fit in the crap we get fed at sch. so it seems the world just cant get enough of reality tv these days. the voyeuristic tendencies so intrinsic and deeply rooted in all of us. i fer one have once claimed "who the hell is interested in yer goddamn lives", but then i find myself watching dumb shows like "my big fat obnoxious fiance", "the amazing race", "the bachelor". thts all very softcore if you ask me. just too bad i aint got mtv or i'd be watchin the good shit they have there 24/7 . whats become of society today ? we're all more interested in pple's private lives than in our own - feeding our empty souls wif information derived from the blog entries of others and watching the day-to-day lifestyles of celebrities on television. entertainment and recreation no longer come from the simpler things in life .
okayy not tht all tht shit matters rite now. ignore all tht nonsense. feeling rather incoherent, probably due to the fact tht i'm up so bloody early on a saturday morning. what a freak eh ? my only escape from the gates of hell. too dramatic ? more like modern-day albatross in a totally different geographical aspect. not tht my stupid lies are gonna get me very far anyways. but hey whats a gurl gotta do to get a breather arnd here ? more deterioration than improvement resulting from being kept home actually .. defeats the purpose doesnt it. dumb fucks ...
theres something very screwed up wif my comp at home. feels SO much better using someone else's fer a change. sumthing tht doesnt lag wif every click i make. have resorted to keeping to one conversation per msn sign-in, and totally staying off opening explorer unless its absolutely necessary - which is hardly ever, so there you have it. my so called life :)
too vulnerable. too gullible. or maybe just downright stupid. whatever the case, cant seem to stop doing things i noe i'll regret at a later date . then again, looking at everything from a separate perspective altogether, all these petty issues are dramatically insignificant compared to the bigger issues in our lives tht we shld be paying more attn to. just a goddamn frog in the well. we shld all be fucking grateful we dont hafta deal wif the kinda problems youths in other time periods had ta deal wif. its not like we hafta worry bout wars, famines, black plagues and persecution - the things tht'd make us much more adult than we are. i mean all we seem to fret abt these days are parents, our image, exams, pple ripping stuff from our blogs ... haha. its so hard to be content. we shld be thankful tht we're spared from the trauma of events tht cld have far greater impacts on our lives, yet those very things cld be the ones tht help us grow from the sheltered lil creatures we are .
think i've spoken enough fer the semi-conscious state im in. time to stop before i say something i might come to regret.
i'd just like to say, tht i nv mean to hurt anyone wif my actions and my completely uncaring attitude. just typical of me to get edgy and seek solace in the confines of my invisible shell. being immensely tense and susceptible to snapping at any minute is just sumthg i got from my mother haha. so whatever the case, i'm gonna do alotta lip-biting to prevent myself from losing it and getting worked up over minor issues. but here's one thing i'd greatly appreciate from everyone (plural, ladies and gents) : dont ask. outta concern, outta being inquisitive, whatever. my condition rite now wld instantly lead me to believe yer prying and my reaction to tht wld be to distance myself from being asked things i dont wanna talk abt - things i see as an invasion of my privacy.
aight i think thts it fer now ...
sometimes i wish i had kept all this private ...
the blog i mean.
hoobastank - - out of control
the masochist gnarled at 8/28/2004 08:50:00 AM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
thwarted by the stolen musings of a treacherous plagiarist.
thankfully, thts all been resolved wif the help of a notoriously confrontational character.
no one ever noes whye these deranged individuals do the things they do.
am quite satisfied wif my complete uninvolvement (directly but not indirectly), and relatively glad i had not reacted the way i usually wld have under the same circumstances.
oh wipe tht bemused look off yer face.
highly frustrating how i'm often kept awake by fleeting thots at the most ungodly hours.
not only do i lose sleep, but it seems when i finally get the chance to pen those thots down, they wld've vanished.
upon observation, i've come to realise tht highly-strung, hyperactive, emotional pple and pple wif short fuses are usually skinny and have numerous veins poppin up all over their bods.
as you can tell, i'm still very much obsessed wif veins ... it cld quite possibly even be a fetish of some sort. its near impossible fer me to make my own ones visible, having tried various ways but to no avail.
hence i must settle fer playing wif those of others'.
gosh having said all tht, it does sound kinda sick.
playing meaning unrelentless poking & pressing, nothing else.
tht aside ...
have been inspired by the recent olympics and a cyber acquaintance to tk part in a triathlon after the damn As.
very ambitious, i know. esp since i havent really practised my bicycle-riding skills, am not much of a runner, and errr havent exactly done any serious swimming in the past year or 2 ?
oh well .. always good to have ambitions ..
hmmm to be a triathlete ... right .
am quite sick and tired of the masked competitiveness of certain individuals . i mean, yeah its great , whatever. but taking yer goddamn arrogance and rubbing it in my face is really getting to be a pain in the ass . so please, fer the love of God, STFU.
where dya draw the line btw sufficient quality time spent tog, and just pure overload of "quality time" to a point of nauseating saturation ? something so innocent and seemingly good cld very well be the lethal dose tht puts yer rship str8 to slp. always beneficial to set aside time fer yerself to just chill and have yer own space ... it may not always be wotcha want, but its definitely sumthg everyone needs. i mean, how wld you like a leech sucking at you 24/7 ? draining you of all yer energy and whatever else. very unpleasant indeed.
sometimes theres just no such thing as mutual trust, and no way in hell you can expect another person to understand you completely. things always get blown outta proportion, facts get distorted, pple let their emotions get in the way. cant anyone just provide an objective view to anythg these days ? one thing bout talking over msn, sarcasm gets mistaken fer verbal attacks and direct provocation. without actually being able to hear the tone of the person yer talking to, anythg cld get mistaken fer sumthg else. friendliness fer flirtation, a simple joke fer sumthg intensely serious. and when you actually wanna be taken seriously, pple will just think yer being yer usual jocular self. ugh. silent conversations work the best fer me .
aight so theres this thing called the prelims comin up in 2 mins.
i better go call the funeral parlour.
*bitches. ilu :)
the masochist gnarled at 8/25/2004 09:35:00 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
not particularly interested in anythg rite now
just wanna lie down and go to slp, but am frustrated tht i cant cos its wayy too early and it wld just suck to wake up at 3 fuckin AM and have nothing to do.
shld tht happen, i'd probably find myself seeking the company of my fave snacks - granola bars, cadbury caramello and strawberry yoghurt *slurp.
not really enthusiastic in engaging lame conversations rite now either.
appreciate pple who actually respect & comprehend the "AWAY" status .
pple put it there fer a reason maybe ? a good one too.
like whether or not they're really awayy .... uhhuhhh.
feeling considerably cranky rite now.
maybe its the over-eating and lack of exercise. the EXTREME lack of sleep. i swear i cldda fallen aslp at 930 last nite .. if not fer s'pore idol and otherrrrr factors.
clamping and getting towed.
awaiting our next misfortune huh :)
a flat tyre wld definitely do the trick.
going to sch is a total waste of time . if not fer the costly trips to the doc's, i'd buy mcs fer every day from now till sept hols. i mean honestly, go fer fuck ? rubbish lectures and even more senseless tutorials where everyone's spouting balderdash. k maybe except fer lit tchrs who havent even covered the goddamn syllabus. been skipping econs lectures fer the past idunnohowmany weeks. k so this is all gonna result in me flunkin the prelims ... uhhuh ...
its annoying when just one irritating lil factor is preventing me from doing the things i wanna do. cant make decisions and just have peace wifout tht fucking lil voice sounding somewhere, be it in my head or elsewhere. the best solution ? immerse oneself in complete solitude. or at least try yer very best to ... sometimes its just impossible . grrrrrrrrr . bin contemplating the idea of stayin fer nite study fer the past coupla days, but oh well scratch tht. theres always tht lil something thts like a fuckin mountain in my way.
this may come across as callous, insensitive and whatever.
but i seriously do NOT give a fuck abt you.
in fact, i dont give a flying fuck abt anythg rite now except fer maybe the "A"s and a very obvious individual.
and the bitches who're all probably muggin their asses off , 'cept fer vern i'm sure.
ya'll hang in there and study hard yeah . i noe no one has any time rite now, and i have even less time than all of you since i'm practically chained to my computer chair and not allowed outta the hse fer leisure reasons. just hope the end of the dreadful As means more time spent tog ...
okayy my melancholic and blase mood is starting to piss a very impt person off.
damn you, lethargy, fatigue and all those egg tarts tht're givin me indigestion.
jack johnson - taylor
the masochist gnarled at 8/18/2004 08:12:00 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Do you know ur best friend's friendster password?- yeah i do actually. havent abused tht knowledge as of yet.
Do you think long dist relationships works for u?- hell no. not fer me.
Are you an emotional person? - depends. am more a person of extremes. either highly emotional or as dead and passionless as a plant. maybe its just pms :)
If u had one last breath to say something to someone u love what would u say?- cookie ? HAHAHA :)
Do you believe in best friends? - yeahhh .....................
What colour underwear are you wearing right now?- fuschia.
What was the last thing you did?- ate my dinner. followed by red bean ice cream. and turkish delight chocs. A BALANCED DIET.
Who's right next to you?- no one, thankfully.
Who was the last person you ate out with? - hmmmm my folks ? dumb question, considering I'M GROUNDED. knn ccb ofpfbdhfpdjasdhjf
Last person you spoke to on the phone? - the only person i ever talk to these days.
Last Person who text you? - ditto above.
Last person you texted?- enough dittos already.
Lost a friendship over something stupid? - yeahhh well ... gone are the days of such pointless futility. friendships lost over something stupid were stupid friendships anyways.
Pissed someone off? - well, see, i have this knack fer perpetually pissin pple off and its often the case tht i'm unaware of my actions. so yeahhh, to say whether i've pissed someone off or not wld be an understatement.
Been really depressed? - yeah like just abt everytime i get my period haha. pseudo depression ... usually a short-term thing.
Faked being sick to miss school? - hmmm its bin a while actually. there wuz a whole series of tht in the furst 2 terms of sch . well just fer added info, i'm skippin next week fer sure :)
Last time you said 'I love you'? - i dont remember. definitely some time today tho :)
Wat time did you wake up today?- at the ungodly hour of 0930h.
Current Taste:- in what ? !
Who do you consider your closest/bestest friend? squirt :)/grace
Are you too shy to ask anyone out? - well i'm compelled to say yes. but there are times i surprise myself. never say never !
Kisses or Hugs? - whye shld we ever hafta choose ?
What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? - dress sense (i never noe how to answer this stupid question)
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? - its a tie between leon & breakfast. altho i think the former wins by a SLIGHT margin :)
Current longing- wayyy too many. where do we begin ? to not be grounded so i can chill wif the evil monsta/mac's ice cream sundae/to play wif oscar the chameleon - to name a few
Current desktop picture:- STILL pink panther. its bin there fer the past 2 yrs ? hahaha talk abt sheer laziness. nah i'm in denial ... i'm just a sucker fer pink panther.
the masochist gnarled at 8/10/2004 09:37:00 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
plagued by the ridiculous misconceptions of others.
wild guesses & ludicrous assumptions.
revolting rejects.
involuntarily living the life of a social recluse.
okayy ... more like prisoner of war.
ironically, dishonesty is the key.
ever so enthralling how the plot seems to be unfolding.
regret having not been more observant and perceptive.
a poor judge of character indeed.
no point wasting emotions on the little things now anyways.
peace fer a day.
pile on the pounds pple.
transparency and its benefits.
fascinated by yer outlandish ways.
pple say the strangest things. at the strangest times too.guess i'll nv understand.
its time fer a lil disassociation.
schizophrenia is not fun.
*to see you when i wake up, is a gift i didnt think could be real
to know tht you feel the same, as i do, is a 3 fold utopian dream
you do something to me, tht i cant explain
so would i be outta line, if i said "i miss you"
i see yer picture, i smell yer skin on the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days (mins) but already i'm wasting away
i know i'll see you again, whether far or soon
but i need you to know that i care
and i miss you*
just thought i'd throw tht in ...
someone's off playing socs :)
it'd help to sound a lil less morbid and disturbed so as not to send off the wrong vibes.
dont noe how pple derive their peculiar lil conclusions.
momentary depression meant to be contained within the confines of this whining space.
how often do you actually see me moping arnd ?
so many things i wanna do, but so lil time.
i mean, 2 minutes is not a lot.
aight time to get off tht one, its gone on longggg enough.
but honestly, i wanna go rock-climbing, suntanning, wakeboarding, para-sailing.
have always had this sadistic desire to fracture something.
[[ every me and every you ]]
the masochist gnarled at 8/08/2004 07:53:00 PM
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
- leon
the masochist gnarled at 8/08/2004 02:19:00 AM
Friday, August 06, 2004
crimson thoughts & midnight fancies.
revolting how time scurries past ever so quickly n discreetly.
pity pple put precious time to waste by engaging themselves in pointless national day activities.
its obvious those "performances" were put up fer the sake of self-gain, nothing more.
either give us something worth going to sch fer, or let us sleep in.
feeling safe & sound in the passenger seat, albeit slightly unnerved.
feels like i've an equal share of responsibility over our lives :)
its a nice feeling actually.
keeps me on the edge of my seat more than on other occasions.
i worry tho, on yer solitary journeys.
who's gonna remind you to wear yer seat belt, turn on yer headlights, watch out fer tht motorist, YER GONNA HIT THT TRUCK !
hahaha :) it wuz awesome.
smsing me while yer driving home is a BIG nono .
just fer the record.
we have FOUR weeks till prelims.
(eat yer heart out, skullface)
as stated by bro paul, someone wif authority and no hidden agenda to frighten the living daylights outta us.
so much fer 2 mins.
the thick fog in my mind's starting to clear.
rather rapidly at tht.
prior confusion no longer a burden, things having seemed to have cleared themselves up.
an option tht never did, and never will, exist.
decidedly contented & not left wanting fer anythg.
it'd be nice to have a "suburbs" to spend the weekend in.
the only way to get far enough from the city is by escaping to yet another city across the causeway.
not particularly enticing.
green pastures and picturesque meadows wld be a refreshing sight.
air pollution + second-hand smoke = asphyxiation.
now tht someone's a full-fledged motorist, the sky's the limit :)
our next destination ?
i think i've done a fair share of listeningg.
it wld be nice to be heard once in a while. by you especially.
you are wayyyyy too self-absorbed, my dear.
snap the fuck outta it.
what the hell are we s'posed to be anyways.
"worst friends" ?
i think not ...
dehydrated & mildly stuffed.
indigestion perhaps.
my eating habits have gone slightly haywire over the past week.
diabetic alert.
i better watch it or i'm gonna hafta live a life of deprivation.
cringe & recoil.
twice denied,
the serpent's tongue
of unspoken desires that scathed & stung.
*oh please dont fucken ask.
the masochist gnarled at 8/06/2004 12:10:00 AM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
engulfed by indescribable anguish.
a personal dilemma of being torn btw choices.
its nv a good thing to keep everythg bottled up inside.
but what happens when thts the only option yer left wif ?
things're gonna start gettin ugly arnd here.
letters and the countless memories tht they hold.
pandora's box.
how aptly named.
mesmerized by all imperfections.
sometimes its the flaws tht things possess tht so effortlessly draws you to em.
the creases on the spine of a new book. shattered glass. a crooked smile.
dopeyness ...
overcome wif fatigue & exhaustion.
daily migraines and monthly irregularities are sucha pain.
literally.
growing pains, no doubt.
when do we ever stop growing ?
mentally, physically, intellectually, etc.
some areas which i personally feel cld grow a lil more ;)
my patience is wearing thin.
i have severely obese dogs.
if anyone can come up wif an effective solution to my problem, please contact me.
my retrievers are transforming into massive balls of golden fur
all exaggerations spared.
camryn maynheim & roseanne barr.
max and rusty no more.
beverly beautiful.
the masochist gnarled at 8/04/2004 08:22:00 PM
you are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your
not ashamed of it.
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by
the masochist gnarled at 8/04/2004 05:15:00 PM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
i dont think length of time justifies anythg ...
but thts just bitterness talking.
still amused wif daniel's criticism of jy's time elimination theory.
we shld all feel compelled to study by the immense sense of urgency
after all ... once you cancel out all the time spent on misc things,
we're left wif 2 measly minutes to prelims.
emotionally numb to practically everythg.
oblivion is quite possibly the best option at times like these.
curiosity most certainly killed this feline fiend.
okayy enough moping.
angst & desolation will not change anythg.
*falling back in love wif my foofighters cd.
the masochist gnarled at 8/03/2004 10:44:00 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
fucked up.
the masochist gnarled at 8/02/2004 10:19:00 PM