i feel like a pubescent amateur all over again.
time warp, flash backs n all tht jazz.
a lil rusty in dealg wif the emotions of others,
and considering the feelings of someone other than myself.
friends aside of course.
back to square one.
growl.
you noe how sometimes yer talkin to someone,
n you totally miss their pt n go rambling on
in response to what you thot they'd said ?
yes fuckin embarrassing.
fortunately so, i'm a prime victim of these humiliating moments of anguish.
humour at my expense, heh well at least i make you laugh fer once.
i'm beginning to feel the extent of the boredom tht i bring abt.
festering in the boredom and i'm hatin it.
how wld you like to be consumed by endless moments of silence.
perhaps i'm makin it sound way more severe than it really is,
oh well sometimes i think i think too much.
i think ...
i'm on a roll tonite.
havent bin this way fer a longggg time.
seems like the brain has deteriorated n the cells are shrinkin.
gone are the remarks enveloped by sarcasm n wit.
how exactly do you perform to yer maximum potential
when yer dwelling in the minimum extent of yer abilities 3/4 of the time.
this jez sounds like one huMONGO complaint.
hard to deny when tht statement's only centimeters away from the truth.
its all these gnawing thots tht hammer my alreadie congested mind.
numerous outlets wif which they can be relieved upon,
but TIMIDNESS (oh god tht word) and fear consumes me
thus perpetuating the need to contain them within my bursting head.
heh this is going nowhere.
i admit tho,
i'm timid. gutless. jez one enormous wuss.
plenty of evidence cld serve as proof of tht.
such as the 2 week late xmas present ?
only one of the many thts bin accumulated.
feels gd to be able to talk to someone, or rather something.
grateful fer the lack of response, but only in this case of course.
its bin eons since i've blogged,
and now i must stop.
*you make me complete. you make me completely miserable
the masochist gnarled at 2/26/2004 11:51:00 PM
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
this has definitely gotta be the most awesome bday ever :)
thanx tim fio vickerss n exo fer those totally radical gifts.
wuz totally elated when i saw em furst thing in the morn.
heh you guys are incredible,
thanks so much fer makin me feel so extremely special today.
its bin pretty hectic i s'pose.
still blown away by those gifts !
thanks zhi fer the book.
trashy novel ... HMMMMM.
not particularly suited fer my usual reading appetite,
but i'll give it a shot !
:)
thanks fer rememberg, n fer comin all the way down.
goshhhh.
no fone, meaning no smses :(
all those bday wishes n what nots to be received possibly DAYS afta my bday.
oh well !
everythg's more than wad i cldve asked fer.
a big thank you to those who had tried to call, who passed bday wishes thru my pals, n to those who did get thru last nite.
really appreciate it :)
havin bin made the proud recipient of a delicious lookin tiramisu,
i most probably wuz the most euphoric bday gurl ever heh.
after tht extremely filling dinner wif my parents (BUFFET!),
i havent got much space left fer more face-stuffin.
theres truckloads more i wanna say, but due to time constraints,
n my urge to get on the fone PRONTO,
i'll save it fer another day.
hehe :D
*i got dissed by a transexual yesterday !
more on tht tmr.
the masochist gnarled at 2/17/2004 10:11:00 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2004
valentines dayyyy :)
to think i wuz bein all whingey abt it in my previous entry.
well scratch tht !
great company, great fun, great FOOD
wad more cld a gurl ask fer ?
heh felt jez like we were one of those old couples tht surrounded us.
yet simultaneously, i felt SO young as well.
hmmm contradictions galore.
well anyhows,
my birthdayyy is in TWO DAYS.
heh *HUGE HINT*
i jez pray tht bro paul will have some mercy n return me my fone.
oh yeah, n tim's too :)
gosh, totally dreading the maintenance tho.
unless i've got the company of willing parties who'd wanna slog wif me.
god noes wad they've got in mind fer us.
*isolation.
all the world's a stage.
cookies.
they're sucha hassle,
esp fer kitchen idiots like me.
cant even do the simple things, yet i dared to make an attempt to BAKE.
heh wif the very unproductive help of fio n tim,
our furst try wuz completely pathetic.
not only did ya'll NOT follow the instructions at all,
ya added WATER to the mixture.
hahaha :) it wuz hilarious to lk at 'em so-called cookies.
but thanx fer the offer to help anyways, it wuz a blast.
if not fer my mom bein home, i bet we'd haf broken out into a full-blown food fight !
how rad :D
woke up early the next morn fer my second attempt.
followed the instructions closely this time (like yer S'POSED ta hehe)
and they turned out much better.
hope no food poisoning has bin induced.
*and THTS the way the cookie crumbles :)
got a lil reminiscent today.
dint listen to tht lil voice in my head,
n clicked on tht stupid link instead.
(gawd it rhymes ... )
all those happy images still replayin in my mind.
thts okayyy, cos by tmr, they'd all have faded away.
i seem to have suddenly developed a monstrous sweet-tooth.
of course we all noe i've got an insatiable appetite
but i nv really indulged very much in desserts, sweets, etc.
now, on top of my chocolate fetish,
fetishes fer ice cream, cakes, cookies, biscuits, marshmallow, and whatever else seems to have grown as well.
i dare not think of what i'll be by the end of the yr.
hope i can still see my feet hehe.
social circles n sch work aside,
sometimes i wish things cld be different.
i have no idea wad ya'll are thinkin,
n its quite obvious ya'll have no clue wads goin on in my mind.
a facade of familiarity and closeness evaporates the minute we're apart.
maybe its jez me ...
ANYHOO,
:(
:)
=P
x)
=X
:O
=|
=]
=/
;)
;P
pls tell me this is not happening.
2 weeks to CTs.
i'm SUCH a goner.
*all i do to darkness is stare.
the masochist gnarled at 2/15/2004 09:08:00 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004
i'm so tired i cld slp fer 40 yrs.
still delighted over my insignificant lil medal :)
it wuz definitely unexpected, so i guess i cant complain
still peeved yet simultaneously perplexed.
its disturbing how pple can appear so genuine,
yet actually be so superbly hypocritical.
such skill is unfathomable.
you all deserve a standing ovation.
anyhoo,
i'm a lil perturbed by tht brief meetg
and the subtle comments regarding it.
but yeah, its all faded away into complete insignificance.
its not abt bein in denial anymore, thts fo' sure.
had a grand time flirting wif the monkeys at macritchie today.
tan small bell actually cheered fer me (if u consider stepping into my face and screaming my chinese name fer all to hear as a form of cheering)
woohoo~
i s'pose tht means she forgives me fer bein the brat tht i am in her chinese tutorial ?
heh punishments are forms of enjoyment, but only in the realms of interaction wif small bell.
(small bell = kinda sounds like some red indian name, no ?)
hmmm ...
food poisong wldnt be the ideal gift.
but it'd be unique, original and completely unpredictable, rite ?
heh surprise surprise.
if mar can cook ... tht'd be "the surprise of the century".
have got strange desires to become a hermit.
town is certainly infinitely boring (if thts even the rite way to put it)
formulated a couple of theories as i wuz daydreaming in class today.
valentines' day shld be celebrated on a couple's anniversary,
n not some random day such as feb 14th.
women shld celeb mothers' day on the birth date of each offspring cos thts the day tht her motherhood commences.
likewise wif fathers' day.
who the hell comes up wif all those standard dates anyways.
the fact tht everyone jez goes along wif it is somewhat amusing.
some random dat tht has no significance to them at all.
oh man ... having read wad i jez wrote in the above para
i think i'm jez so goddamn bo liao.
an indication tht i'm wayyy too fatigued to say more
and so i leave you wif this.
how many times did johnny jump over the fence ?
the masochist gnarled at 2/09/2004 10:58:00 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004
The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf)
Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.
For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.
You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.
Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.
DREAD: The False Messiah
CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door
take it here
the masochist gnarled at 2/06/2004 10:23:00 PM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
waited fer wad seemed like an eternity fer sch to be over.
thursdays are undeniably the BEST days to fall sick :)
well apparently i've got hmwk due tmr,
and theres tht dreadful history test coming up.
to be real honest,
i'm so shagged (not to be taken literally) rite now,
think i'll jez rest & recharge rite here in front of the monitor.
it'll prolly tk till 10 fer me to get energised
then i'll be jez in time fer american idol.
hoo ha !
we ran a grand total of twelve rounds today.
wont deny the fact tht the cj pe dept IS actually secretly trying to kill the cohort.
i mean, what wif xena, robo cop, blinky bill and what nots in charge.
who wldnt agree ?
(no prizes fer guessing whos who, hehe)
its gonna be a real hectic weekend.
dont even wanna think abt the schedule i've got all planned out.
all i'm lookin forward to is a morning of american jackass.
oh and perhaps a scrumptious birthday feast ?
smorgasbord, anyone ? :)
anyhows, HAPPY BDAY SABY ! :D
my fellow monsta turns 18 this very day.
heh, all hail the kudus !
this groovy ass-kickin bootylicious sex bomb's bin one of the greatest friends to me.
still can recall us as cheeky lil monstas in our pri sch days.
yer sucha blast to be wif, always have bin, always will be !
cant wait ta finally see you on sat darl.
hmmm on a more solemn note,
i think i've jez consumed 3 slightly mouldy pineapple tarts.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !
thts wotcha get fer bein greedy.
tsk.
all these new yr goodies are irresistable.
too bad they cant stay edible forever hehe.
bin indulging in very sinful excessive consumptn of new yr goodies.
crikey.
its bin a 3-day sch week fer me.
heh fer those in the know, hush hush yeah ? :)
if only weekdays cld consist of jez 3 days, and weekends -4.
how totally rad !
it doesnt help tht 2t03 is public enemy no. 1.
GIVE US A BREAK ALREADIE fer fuck's sake.
aight apart from tht, chinese really isnt all tht bad.
its abt 45-90mins of blackjack mania.
lit's like nap time.
gp's play time.
pe's jez pe, DOH.
econs is pure torture (nothing's perfect, we need a lil discomfort SOMEWHERE)
and as they say, the rest is HISTORY !
okayy enough of all this rambling.
i jez wanna say, i love my kiddy ring !
(or toy ring as fio calls it, grrrs)
booyakasha.
the masochist gnarled at 2/05/2004 09:18:00 PM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Now you're just
Gum on the sole of my shoe
Flat on the back of my car
Stain on the front of my shirt
That's All You Are
Rain on the 4th of July
A grain of sand in my eye
You're blowin' smoke up my heart
That's All You Are
--pay the girl - all you are
the masochist gnarled at 2/03/2004 09:42:00 PM
Monday, February 02, 2004
You are going to marry viggo mortensen.He is very
friendly and funny and has a lot of respect for
you and your friends. He is also very good with
kids and would be an ideal father. Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
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the masochist gnarled at 2/02/2004 08:09:00 PM
its sumthg unfathomable.
the choices i make & the stupid things tht i do.
it all sorta forms this huge ball of confusion n uncertainty.
things are movin at sucha snailish pace tht
thots abt the future begin to worry me immensely.
my education is in shambles.
or so i'd like to think as of rite now.
x-ctry got cancelled, which wuz quite a huge relief.
thanx to buckets of blessings from above.
all this rain has bin puttg me in sucha lackadaisical mood.
my virgin attempt at slpg thru an entire period went surprisingly well.
slept rite thru PC wifout gettg busted.
oh yeah, n on friday, i managed an entire conversation on my hp rite under raj's nose.
haha :)
pretty damn satisfying.
lked like a complete idiot tho, talkin to myself n all.
kinda contented rite now tho i noe major long-term damage is gonna be caused.
its like i noe theres a trap laid out a couple of feet away,
but i jez keep trudging towards it anyways.
stupid imagery, but yeah.
hmmm lets see.
things to gloat abt = a big fat zero.
its pretty saddeng to watch the gradual degradation of a really great person.
or rather, wad wuz once a really terrific person.
not tht its as drastic as i make it sound,
but in a way, its a huge loss fer me.
quite hard to erase images from the past tht linger on in this head of mine.
there were much more negative things than positive ones.
n frankly, no one wants to go thru the same shit twice.
i really dont understand wad yer tryin ta do.
tsk, the lengths pple go to jez to piss you off.
whye waste the effort, honestly.
amusing -yes. but wad a complete waste of yer time.
anyhows,
:)
i've definitely not bin gettg enough slp.
have bin clubbing more than i'd planned.
i have this incredible knack fer contradicting myself.
its like i'm sucked into a lifestyle tht i'd rather not have.
some things are beyond our control,
n its obvious we cant always have wad we want.
everythg tells me i'm on the path to self-destruction,
n the brakes arent workin.
hmmm on a lighter note,
all you special morbid death faeries really make my day :)
i'm glad i dint miss the last gatherg !
i had sucha mind-blowin time wif ya'll.
heh lookin forward to saturday !
no use for a name - international you day
the masochist gnarled at 2/02/2004 05:11:00 PM