-- Name: Marissa
-- Birth date: 17 Feb 1986
-- Birthplace: Glen Eagle's Hospital of Sunny S'pore
-- Current Location: Hmmm, at the lower left corner of my cluttered room
-- Eye Color: Hmmm. Hazel brown ? I'm not quite sure.
-- Hair Color: Well, unevenly brown. Heh, personal hair-dying gone wrong.
-- Height: 1.64 ? But i THINK i've grown. Teehee :)
-- Righty or Lefty: Rightyyyy
-- Zodiac Sign: Water-bearer. Aight in other words, Aquarius !
-- The shoes you wore today: Butterfly flip flops.
-- Your weakness: Food ! -grins- Okayy, tht wuz so unexpected rite ?
-- Your fears: Alotta lil phobias here n there - heights, the open sea, losing my loved ones, plane rides - but i can pretty much deal wif all of em. still counted yeah ?
-- Your perfect pizza: Stuffed crusted Hawaiian pizza frm Pizza Hut. I noe there're better pizzas, but they're so inaccessible.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: To overcome all my puny fears, n to achieve an impressive academic track record. Or whatever u call it.
-- Your most overused phrase(s) on MSN: "heh"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: check fone fer msges n missed calls. needa pee needa pee. wads fer breakfast ?
-- Your best physical feature: Mouth -chomp chomp- -chew chew- And no, not cos it lks gd.
-- Your bedtime: Wee hrs of the morn. I've become an insomniac since sch's closed.
-- Your most missed memory: Events of June 2000
-- In love? : Nahhh.
-- Smoke: Asphyxiates me.
-- Cuss: Yeah. Too damn much.
-- Sing: More like wailing. Heh ktv anyone ?
-- Take a shower everyday: Duh. Everyone wants ta smell nice dont they ?
-- Have a crush: Thts an understatment.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yeah. Once in my life n prolly nv again. N no i'm not jez tryin ta sound jaded.
-- Want to go to college: I AM in college.
-- Like(d) high school: It wuz a blast most of the time. Then again, lookin back, i feel so grown up now.
-- Believe in yourself: Not a lot, but yeahhh, i'm not tht hopeless.
-- Get motion sickness: Occasionally. Pretty much got it under control.
-- Think you're attractive: Nope. I noe my own flaws better than anyone else.
-- Think you are a health freak?: Oh yeahh. Totally. Only when it comes to workin out tho. Heh when it comes to food, who gives a shit.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Yeah guess i'm pretty fortunate.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yeahhh, best time to cuddle :) Then again, they're hell when i needa walk my doggies.
-- Play an instrument: Erm. Recorder ? Heh even tht i've forgotten, all Monica Toh & Chui Lao Shi's hard work gone to waste. Hmmm i can play "ChopSticks" on the piano ? -grin-
In the past month...
-- drank alcohol: More like hosed it.
-- Smoked: Passively.
-- Done a drug: Hmmm antibiotics counted ? Heh aight ... LAME.
-- Had Sex: Nahhh. Abstinence is Bliss.
-- Made Out: Hmmm lemme think. Nope ? Yes ? :) Most memorably wif my chickiee.
-- Gone on a date: Depends on how pple perceive "dates" these days.
-- Gone to the mall?: I dont have much of a choice.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Who doesnt eat the entire thing ???
-- Eaten sushi: Yeahhh yumm.
-- Been on stage: Hmmmm. Heh. Hell yeahhhhh.
-- Been dumped: Yeah. -sniffles- NOT.
-- Gone skating: Nahhh. Its bin a while. Too many plans not bein carried out too.
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Strip poker anyone ? ;)
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Not to tht extreme.
-- been caught "doing something": Doing What ?
-- Been called a tease: Heh :)
-- Got beaten up: By my doggies. Emerged all black n blue.
-- Shoplifted: Who hasnt.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I'd rather stick out like a sore thumb.
-- Age you hope to be married: 23. I wanna be a young mom. Teehee :)
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Errr. The more the merrier. Here're a couple of names - Jordan, Flynn, Portia, Beverly, Ash, Evan. Mostly unisex stuff.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: In some church by the sea. A crystal blue one. I want geese wif black ties waddling arnd the aisles. The rest is up to my husband-to-be.
-- How do you want to die: Beholden to nuthin, & no one. *Gd Ol' Mrs Dubose. :)
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Successful & wif success of course comes wealth.
In the opposite sex
-- Best eye color? Light brown.
-- Best hair color?: Chestnut brown.
-- Short or long hair: Either, whatever suits best.
-- Height: As if we have a choice these days. Hmmm as long as i'm not taller, but 1.75m minimum wld be nice.
-- Best weight: As long as the person's got a lean n mean bod.
-- Best articles of clothing: Polos, Levis & gd shoes.
-- Best first date location: Anywhere we can get comfy n talk bout stuff. Or if i'm nervous, the cinemas wld be a gd option :)
-- Best first kiss location: Such things cant be planned.
-- # of drugs taken illegaly: I aint no druggie.
-- # of people I could trust with my life: Excluding parents, 3
-- # of CDs that I own: Truckloads. And no, i aint gonna go count em.
-- # of tattoos: Jez One.
-- # of scars on my body: I'm covered in battle scars.
-- # of birthmarks: One tht lks like the SIA logo. Well only i seem to see the resemblance :)
-- # of things in my past that i regret: No room fer regrets.
You like ...
Rebelling against rules, sharing new ideas and trying out crazy new hairstyles.
You dislike ...
Being stuck in a rut, animal abuse and pollution of the planet.
You're best at ...
Inventing new things and dreaming up brilliant ideas to make the world a better place.
Deep down ...
You really care about ur planet and everybody on it. Ur greatest desire is to rid the world of poverty, war and pollution. If anybody can do it, u can.
Your career ...
Inventor, TV journalist, reflexologist, computer whiz.
Fashion ...
You're individual but always stylish. You like ethnic clothes and love bright colours (blues and turquoises in particular). You often wear mad clothes that other people laugh at - then weeks later, they're copying you! You trailblazer, you!
As a mate ...
U would walk through fire and swallow frogs'legs for ur friends. Being a good mate is one of ur best qualities and even though they think you'e a bit dotty sometimes, they love u for being the sweetest, most generous soul on the planet.
As a girlfriend ...
U want a boyfriend who's a bessie mate, so you'll look for someone u can hang out with as well as kiss. Ur freedom is important to u, so boys who cling or want ur attention 24 hours a day won't last long.
If your boyf's an Aquarius ...
This guy cares about the environment, the poor and the state of the world, so capture his heart by being interested in more than just the latest Atomic Kitten single. He's a kind, slightly wacky type, so dont expect traditional kissy-kissy romance.
Celebrity Aquarians ...
Emma Bunton (21/1/76), Vic Reeves (24/1/59), Nick Carter - Backstreet Boys (28/1/80), Elijah Wood (28/1/81), Minnie Driver (31/1/71), Lisa-Marie Presley (1/2/68), Natalie Imbrulglia (4/2/75), Brandy (11/2/79), Jennifer Aniston (11/2/69), Christna Ricci (12/2/80), Robbie Williams (13/2/74) and John Travolta (18/2/54).
wayy too many revelations bein made in the span of 3 measly weeks.
lookin forward to my trip to perth wif 2 of my lovelies -grace n gillian.
yet on the other hand, i dread goin abroad cos it brings countless worries n immense hmsickness.
contradiction at its best yet again.
furthermore, i'm scared of planes. haf had a phobia of crashin since watchin "La Bamba" when i wuz jez a lil kid.
damn thts an old movie. heh now i'm startg to feel a teeny bit old.
well yeahh anyhows, its gonna be 8 days of bondg wif koalas, wallabies, trees, n all things natural.
does sound a tad drab, but i'm really quite enthusiastic bout it.
the hustle n bustle of the city jez doesnt appeal to me very much anymore.
n wad we all need is a lil fresh air fer our tortured lungs - the pollution level in s'pore is appalling.
these hols r sorta a barrier btw me n pple who dont get out very often.
or pple who jez dont make much of an effort.
sch seemed to be the only common link in which we cld meet up n stuff.
but honestly, how much cld u possibly bond in sch where everyone's jez walkin arnd like zombies ?
speaking of empty promises, u've dished out a couple of yer own.
seems i've bin stuffin my gut much more than necessary since the hols began.
its become an obssession.
i eat outta hunger, boredom, frustration, elation.
heh basically, wad i'm tryin ta say is, i'm becomin a glutton.
bahhh oh well.
ice cream's the current fetish :)
bin skippin training pretty frequently too.
theres jez no drive anymore, lack of motivation.
it used to be a desire to spend time wif my frens, improve my skills n hopefully get on the team so my vb shoes wont go to waste.
but now, the fact tht i cant even be bothered whether smith is gonna have my neck or not, says a lot.
i possess no form of commitment to anythg anymore.
seems like deres no pt in committg to certain friendships cos its not a reciprocal thing most of the time.
committg to pple ? bleahhh.
n now, committg to a cca.
sometimes when yer efforts go unappreciated, u jez get demoralised n let everythg slip outta yer hands wifout a care in the world.
perhaps i'm bein childish n givin up wayy to easily. oh well.
its vern's big day today.
graduatg frm gd ol' st nicks'.
can still recall the exhilaration running within the 5 of us last yr.
gracie, vickiee, jin, sab & i scuttling arnd gettg our hair done, doin our make up, makin final adjustments to our dresses.
stayin at marina mandarin & payin fer it ourselves.
gettg ready wuz fun, seein wei in a dress wif tht hairpiece wuz totally worth it, makin sure we were in every picture taken by the sch photographer.
heh it wuz our special day n i nv felt more STUPID when i dint bring my camera.
vern wuz wif us thru our preparations, thru the celebrations, n fer the post-grad bash of our own.
n so now, its our turn to watch over her as she goes thru the pains of rushg thru hair n make-up, frettg over how u look in yer dress,
stomping on stage to receive the stupid cert wif a million pairs of eyes on u.
heh its not as bad as i describe, but yeahh, u get my drift.
hmmm tht day holds many special memories fer me, n i'm sure it will too fer my muffin.
hmmm u noe wad its like when yer yakkin 200 words a second n talkin animatedly wif such enthusiasm,
only to find tht the other party's not makin a sound, doesnt haf the slightest reaction, n prolly isnt even listeng to a word u say.
well yeahhh, we all noe tht feeling.
sometimes u jez stare into a person's eyes as u pour yer heart out to em, n all u see is 2 pools of emptiness.
frustrating as it may seem, perhaps its best not to overreact.
when pple get like this, they're either dead beat, or theyve got a tonne of worries on their mind.
n most of the time, its best not to lose it wif em no matter how agitated u are, cos it most prolly wld add to their burdens.
kinda cool to be a lightbulb sometimes.
yer lookin at things frm an outsider's pt of view, n hence u've got the clearest picture outta the 3 of u.
n frm their lil squabbles n tiffs, u learn stuff u prolly wld nv haf learned if u were in a r'ship yerself.
the perfect person most probably does exist.
but in his/her perfection lies the imperfection of bein too perfect.
a lil flaw here n there helps to spice things up.
who wants to be perfect anyways ?
//i'm a selfish bitch, convenient friend, neurotic mental case & embittered victim of yer doing.
its only bin abt a week, but i miss sch alreadie, insane as tht sounds.
hardly get to see my lovelies at all now tht hols haf dawned upon us.
glad tht i caught up a lil wif cindx & chermy today tho :) (accompanied by the dearies junz & angela)
its bin gazillions of yrs since i've taken neoprints.
and so, to satisfy our ditzy cravings fer cheap substitutes fer fotos, we rushed to the nearest booth
and snapped away ! heh. had a ball of a time, hope u gurlies did too.
it seems like its bin forever since we've last met.
wad wif chermy goin fer job interviews, cindy's new pad.
so many changes and everythg zoomin past in a jiffy.
i miss the fionasaurus, the shark, the hamster, the broccoli.
have bin skippin vb practice,
and it seems so has the rest of the team.
tsk tsk.
bumped into alotta vb pple in town todayyy.
my guilty conscience is startg to fade away since i aint alone in this ponning spree.
hmm at least i've bin able to spend some quality time wif my bestie since sch's closed.
the dear gurl's bin muggin fer her supps.
and in the midst of all tht crammin,
we squeezed in a fun-filled slumber party,
a groovy movie (hidden track) wif a delightful cameo tht sent gracie str8 to 7th heaven,
loadsa catchin up & reminiscing bout the gd old times.
its bin a blast n i cant wait till yer supps r over dearie.
we've got plans to head to sunny sentosa !
in the meantime, i'll try to wait patiently while everyone studies fer supps.
everythg else's pretty unmentionable.
whirlwind emotions & such shldnt be tampered wif.
lks like lady luck wuz on my side on saturday when i picked up a 7210 (?)
waited fer some time to make sure tht it dint belong to anyone in the toilet.
the damn thing wuz jez lyin arnd the sink i wuz usin.
heh this is prolly the 3rd or 4th fone i've found so far.
and prolly the 3rd or 4th tht i've given away.
dont see much pt in selling fones n gaing sumthg outta pple's misery.
wld feel much less guilty if i gave it to someone in need.
the most horrendous thing wuz, on the day i gave it away,
we bumped into the previous owner !
talk abt coincidences.
y'see, cos loadsa pics of the previous owner r still stored in the fone's gallery,
i noe wad she and her bf lk like.
so when they came strollin off the escalator at lido, i wuz stunned outta my socks.
froze fer a minute & contemplated if i shld run afta em & return the damn fone.
heh i mean, how often does shit like this happen !?
aight, so since the fone's alreadie found itself a new owner (wif my help of course :)),
i decided, things shld jez stay the way they are.
evil me.
bin thinkin a lot bout stuff thts bin goin on.
sorta makes me wanna jez disappear so tht everyone's misery wld be reduced.
it seems tht i'm incapable of bringin joy to another living being.
these days, its impossible to get a smile outta anyone.
pple's expectations r gettg higher, and their demands becomin increasingly unreasonable.
wad does it tk to satisfy the pple whom i wish to please ?
pple's lives get more n more complicated.
wish a lil simplicity cld be injected into this hazardous world we're livin in.
i think i'm too attached to my cell.
even over lunch today, instead of engagin in a proper conversation wif someone rite next to me,
i'd rather fiddle away wif the loose keypads of my nokia talkin to 4 other pple thru sms.
i cant seem to stay put & concentrate on doin jez one thing at a time.
am i jez too restless ? bored ? edgy ?
wish i knew the answers.
handphones r a marvelous invention.
but sometimes, they suck human relations outta the lil bubble we live in.
these tricky lil gadgets r takin over our minds. our lives.
bleahhhh.
and i noe how much ppleHATE it when i'm engrossed wif my fone. heh.
its always delightful to meet someone similar to yerself.
someone wif the same personality traits.
someone who shares the same preferences & dislikes.
someone who seems to understand all the issues tht confound u.
someone who posseses similar past experiences.
someone who's willing to jez sit by yer side & comfort u wif nuthg but their presence.
someone wif a sob story to tell, and who's willing to hear out sob stories of yer own.
someone who's receptive to yer ideas, optimistic bout yer dreams.
*
no 2 pple are completely alike.
thts whye u noe fer sure u've found sumthg precious, sumthg rare, sumthg one in a million
when u find someone largely similar to yerself //bp.
hmmmmies, jez watched the "Me Against The Music" Mtv.
Britney & Madonna.
smokin. sizzlin. pipin HOT.
the song's nuthg fantastic, but brit's videos nv fail to entertain me.
madonna's a bonus. tho i dont really get all the yoga positions n all.
dl it if u aint got nuthg betta to do on a tuesday nite :)
like me.
*give me real dont give me fake.
---------> eminem ----- guilty conscience (get the music video) <----------
well well.
lks like the tagboard's finally bin bombarded.
glad to be of service. NOT.
everyone PLEASE stop rising to my defence or whoever's defence.
i s'pose it started off wif st nick'sgurls being trashed ? or lesbians ? or both. whatever.
well mr anonymous homophobic asswipe(s).
if it bothers u so much to lk at the homo population PDA,
i suggest u lk the other way and/or PISS OFF.
trust me, its gd advice.
dont come rantg in my tagboard unless u leave a NAME & contact, or have u not got enough balls to spare ?
fuckin coward.
if u wanna stereotype st nicks' gurls as a crooked lot, i guess yer issue lies wif every other
goddamn sch cos they're everywhere. lesbians AND gays. scary shit huh ?
oh and since its ragin obvious tht yer from cj, tk a gd look arnd the sch when it re-opens yeah.
hope reality hits u in the face n leaves u wif a nosebleed.
by the way, if u need some place to rant yer pansy ass off abt how homophobic u are,
kindly go to blogger and get yerself a blog.
whyee oh whyeee is everyone so busy wif pw ?
-sulks-
dreadful. cant wait fer everyone's pw to be over n done wif.
best of luck to all u nervous souls yeahhh :)
i'm feelg neglected !
hahas. nahhh kiddinggg. i jez miss ya guys. bleahhhh.
everyone's so jittery & edgy.
wish dere wuz some way i cld helppppp. i need SOMETHG to do !
now tht the hols r here, i feel kinda lost wif all the newfound free time on my hands.
i absolutely detest bein sickkkk.
cos it means i hafta tk my med.
and fer those who noe me well, i HATE takin med.
urgh. yucks. gag.
okayyy actually its not so badddd.
not tht it tastes icky or anythg.
i'm jez LAZY. yes LAZY to swallow the damn pills.
n i HATE bein told wad to do.
so when i'm sick, my mom bosses me arnd plus i hafta tk them damn pills.
-roar-
this is so pointless.
can u sense my boredom now ?
second disgustg fact abt bein sick.
my nose gets all blocked up.
and me having a blocked nose sorta affects my taste buds somehow.
cos whatever i put in my mouth is extremely tasteless.
its like i'm jez swallowg stuff tht has no taste whatsoever.
jez eatg fer the sake of eatg. or to fill my tummy.
where's the enjoyment ?!
snacking's lost all its meaning.
where's the fun in snackg when u cant even TASTE anythggg ?
-whine-
i jez ate 2 bars of chocolate tht tasted like, hmmm, like i dont noe wad.
sighhhhh.
this jez saps all the joy outta my fave activity - eating.
the extent of my boredom is beyond words.
cant even begin to describe jez how totally empty i'm feelg rite now.
luckily gracie n maddie came over to inject some joy & laughter into my mundane lil day.
i must sayy, tht best friend of mine lks absolutely fantabulous in her new 'do.
and maddie, u dont lk all tht bad. really ! not all hope is lost. heh
and if tht doesnt make u feel better, then, jez keep in mind tht
HAIR GROWS ! hehe :D
the gurls went over to toni&guy education at river walk, where monks is at.
lucky chickidees got free haircuts n mingled wif loadsa funkayy taiwanese hairstylists !
pretty grooveyyy huh ? :)
only bad thing wuz, they spent close to 4 hrs sittg there waitg fer their cuts to be done.
lks like our lil study session wuznt very productive at all.
sorry honey buns. promise i'll be less of a distractn next time round ! -grin-
hmmm bin indulgin in a lil voyeurism todayy.
hahas.
bin doin some blog-linkin n gettg my way arnd to everyone's bloggies.
sumthg i very seldommm do.
got access to a couple of photo albummms.
the resemblance btw the 2 of u is extremely perturbing.
heh very very similar indeed.
oh well.
still ... no one comes close.
hmmm thank gdness fer all these generous pple who put oodles n oodles of their pics on display fer the world to see.
serves as pretty satisfactory entertainment fer lifeless souls like me on days like these.
grrrrs.
its okayyy. i haf BIG plans fer tmr.
ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC, MARVELOUS plans.
hehe :)
rite.
i think having a handful of gd friends u can entrust yer life wif is wayyy better
than having gazillions of friends, none of whom u can depend on when in need.
instead of wallowing in misery n moping,
i'm gonna be satisfied wif wad i have n lk towards the future fer brighter n better things tht come along.
shit happens.
and sometimes, tht shit cld jez be a blessing in disguise.
hmmm the next time i fall in love, i'm gonna hold tht special someone so tight n nv ever let em slip away.
If you are not careful to keep your eyes straight ahead, focused only on the future, then the past is likely to catch up to you, dear Aquarius. Don't look back for anything. Even if you do not see anything in front of you, you must continue to move forward. It is true that this is easier said than done. Nevertheless, you feel inspired to give it a try.
cant tell u tht tho yer jez a click away.
u heard it fer the last time on sunday.
had the urge to tell u how i felt cos i read some stupid forwarded email tht day before u came.
bout this guy who nv told his wife n his frens n his kids how much he loved n treasured them.
everyday he'd procrastinate n delay it cos he thot he had a million "tomorrows" to go.
then before he knew it, he dint haf any frens left, his wife passed away before he cld tell her he loves her.
n his kids dint wanna haf anythg to do wif him since they nv really communicated n he nv had time fer them.
gawd this is pathetic.
i dont wanna be tht person.
i dont wanna be some pathetic old woman wif all my loved ones disappearg on me before i can
tell em how much they truly mean to me.
wuz jez talkin to my best friend on the fone jez now.
cant even begin to express how thankful & fortunate i am to have finally found you.
we've bin thru all the superficialdom, the back-stabbg, the "images", the facades.
we've bin thru 3 years of absolute BULL.
i'm jez glad i slacked my life away before prelims.
playing coin spirit in the drama studio instead of buryin my nose in those damn books.
i still remem it wuz social studies tht we were s'posed to haf bin studyin.
but instead, we were gluein those fingers of ours to some damn coin n lettg some passg spirit play wif us.
okayy anyway, thts not the pt.
the pt is, i'm thankful we DIDNT study fer prelims.
and we DIDNT get anywhere in those furst 3 months.
cos i dont think we were the ones at loss at all.
i dont noe abt u, but i think i gained more than anyone in tht 5-month holiday.
more than anyone who had made it to some learng institute.
cos in those 5 months, i found you.
:)
okayy and back to where i started.
you'll nv noe wotcha mean to me.
no one will ever noe.
3 n a half yrs.
or is it 4 alreadie ? i've lost count.
we've bin thru practically everythg.
this might sound a lil corny, but i think we sorta "grew up" tog in a way.
u've become this humongous part of my life, so much so tht if u were to disappear one day,
it'd be as tho a part of me went missing. a big and vital part of me.
i dont noe how long its bin goin on, but i'm sure the whole wide world can see the vicious cycle thts bin goin on fer yrs.
i go. u pine. u find someone. i regret. i pine. we get back tog.
yeah i noe i'm sparing alotta details n if u get offended by the way i'm phrasing all of this (yer so sensitive wif the terms i use),
i'm sorry but this isnt meant to offend u. jez tryin to put things across in the most simple terms i can think of rite now.
as i wuz saying, its bin goin on forever.
n it'd be unfair to u if i play the role i usually start to play at this pt in time.
(okayy and as i'm typing this fer u, u r dissing me fer sumthg else. sigh. "good luck" you say. right. whatever. lemme get this done dammit)
wad i'm tryin to say is, i've bin selfish fer nv really lettg go when i shldve.
n then when things go wrong btw us, i think its all yer fault.
but now i finally see the big picture.
its my fault fer not lettg a gd thing end the way it shldve ended. as sumthg GOOD. not sumthg hexed. or ruined. or whatever (i cant think of the rite word so help me God)
(and yes, there u r taking a couple of stabs at me in the next window)
u dont haf to be wif the person u love to be truly happy.
the person u love shld be wif whoever makes them happy so tht they're truly happy.
and hence, you yerself will be truly happy.
cos if u really loved someone, yer happiness lies in their being happy, rite ?
(am i making sense ? i sense i'm rambling again. argh)
and thts wad i wish for.
u asked me wad i wanted rite ?
i dont need world peace rite now, fuck tht.
and a cure fer aids can come some other time, i'm not gonna be the one to find it anyways.
rite now, all i want is fer u to be happy.
even if tht means losing u forever.
i havent bin very careful wif the phrasing n i dont noe how all this is gonna sound to you.
or anyone for tht matter.
but the last thing i'd want rite now, is fer u to get mad at me.
i'm jez hoping tht nuthg up there has made u upset or given u any reason to be angry.
its also up to u to judge the sincerity of everythg i've jez said.
cos i've put quite a lot of thot AND time to wad i've wanted to say to u.
so if u ever get to read it, i hope its not at a time when yer pissed wif me fer some other reason.
hmmm okayyy my mom's bin buggin me to get off the comp since i dont noe how long ago.
so many things r goin on now. so many things i needa get off my chest.
i'm thankful fer pple who jez cant stop spicing up my life fer me wif their talents.
i'm thankful fer pple who have faith in me.
fer those wif newfound faith in me.
fer those who had faith in me all along, but tht faith has yet to be tested.
thankful fer you.
thankful fer grace.
thankful tht i'm not dead yet despite all the shit thts bin happeng.
"But the danger with hatred is, once you start in on it, you get a hundred times more than you bargained for.
Once you start, you can't stop. I don't know anything harder to control than hating. Easier to kick drinking
than to master hate. And that is saying something."
leave me alone wif my granny fer jez one day and i swear i wont live to see tmr.
she brings me my pills every hr (all the WRONG ones),
tells me to tk the wrong dosage,
and everytime i fall aslp due to the effects of the medication,
she wakes me up to eat sumthg when i'm not even hungryyyyy.
arghhh yes.
i noe shes doin it outta the gdness of her heart.
but its driving me INSANE.
i NEED to get better soon or i might jez die under her care.
hmmm i'm so full i cant breathe.
ehhh hehh wads new ?
my ferocious appetite seems to have returned.
had a lil chat wif a friend jez now.
funny how we're jez gd sms/msn frens, but in real life, we noe zilch abt each others' lives.
we nv get down to doing things we say we'll do.
n we always confide in each other in such vagueness.
strange isnt it.
and fer some reason, yer the only person i think i can really trust.
i hope we can spend these hols building up whatever kinda friendship it is we have.
*whye issit so hard fer pple to jez pick up the damn fone n call ?
i used to be glued to the fone every nite, talkin to whoever abt whatever.
now, the fone's so under-utilised tht i think its covered in blankets of dust.
weird as it may seem, the last person i talked to wuz someone i hardly even noe.
someone had actually bothered to spare some time to cheer me up when i wuz feelin miserably sick.
i dont noe how to thank u.
its jez weird how we've started communicatin so much.
but its also very comfortg, & i'm very grateful.
everythg's jez pretty much fucked up.
frankly, its come to a pt where i think its nobody's fault.
i jez wish pple wld stop misinterpretg the things i say here.
and also stop pushin blame on me fer things other pple say in their blogs.
fer gdness sakes, if u hear things thru the grapevine n u arent certain abt anythg,
pls dont go arnd making accusations till u get everythg str8.
yeah n i appreciate the efforts to comfort me n whatever.
but i really dont need the complications n implications, etc.
*some pple haf lips too loose fer their own gd.
really lookin forward to gettin down to those plans we've made fer the hols.
hopefully the bitches can start hangin out a lil more than usual.
me & cindy haf a whole list of silly activities to be carried out these hols :)
i dont noe whye but i've got this sudden urge to get all my hol hmwk done.
call me crazy or whatever, but i really wanna get it outta the wayy asap !
oh well, at least i noe one other person who is keen on it as well.
everythg's gonna be so different next yr.
life on the fast lane is not gonna be all peaches n cream.
jez wanna hold on to all those tht i love n get thru the hard times tog.
wld like to say a big "Thank You" to all those who've bin helpin out wif my doggies.
special thanx to chermy, cindy, fio & vickerss who've helped out the most.
sorry cherms tht u fell sick afta gettg caught in the rain.
and cindx tht u fell down walkin the lil rascal rusty.
my mom's cast is comin off on tues ! -yay-
no more tedious doggie-walkin sessions fer anyone anymore.
*There's no mountain i can't climb
There's no tower too high,
No plane that i can't learn how to fly
What do i gotta do to get through to you, destroy you
There ain't nothing i can't take this chainsaw to
conflict indeed is the essence of drama. and like practically all of shakespeare's work, drama is injected in every lil facet of the plot.
and hence i conclude, my life's jez another one of shakespeare's literary works.
hell i prolly dont even make any sense at all.
sumthg's bin bothering me since itall began. well now tht its all out in the open and shit, we may as well throw darts at it.
senseless ramblings as usual.
manipulative ? indeed. cunning ? right on. deceitful ? hell yeahh. wad else is there tht goes on in tht lil mind of yers tht i still dont noe abt ?
now tht the truth's bin unveiled, where do we go frm here ?
nowhere. cos we've reached the end of the road.
wrap it up, fellas, & we're outta here.
i jez wanna thank all the lil pple out dere tht made all of this possible.
nv fails to amaze me how a lil bullshit can go a long way.
phoney baloneyyy.
dont buy every damn thing u've bin fed aight.
the way i see it, its all twisted to suit yer own lil needs.
and wad u desperately need is some pity.
glorified piece of shit.
these days, u gotta pay a high price fer a lil bit of happiness in return.
is it all really worth it ?
i think not.
hideous monsters they all become. one by one.
we're all caught up in this masquerade.
and i obviously do not possess gd insight on human nature.
so while yer at it, make me seem even more of a patsy whye dont u ?
i'm glad at least someone's havin fun.
whoopdeedoo~*
okayy and here's wad i dont get.
how is it tht till now, u dont understand how much i detest nosey lil bastards like u ?
there u are broadcastg to the world and boastg abt all yer newly-achieved air space.
tryin to put yerself in a slightly more positive light ?
give it up, pal.
okayyy wif these matters aside.
amusing how nicks can get everyone excited.
heh inquisitive souls.
yer all so concerned ! how moving.
not.
fuckin kangaroos.
*is tht yer face ? or did yer neck throw up sumthin' ?
i'm really thankful you were there when it all happened.
wldnt have known wad to say if u werent.
wuz pretty taken aback by the paragraphs of absolute balderdash.
tis a gd thing u were there to interpret.
or i wld've jez blown my top.
oh either tht or i wldnt haf seen the underlying meanings & taken everythg lying down.
dammit whye cant things be less complicated ?
fuckin hilarious how everyone's jez fakin it.
okayy i admit, it sure is disturbing.
but simultaneously, also very very funny.
*W.T.F. mate ?
the trauma of it all.
never again.
fer the furst time i drowned in perspiration from the fear of bein discovered.
50 bloody mins. oohhhh yes.
thts how long i spent hiding in a cramped up position.
practically lost feelg in both my legs & my neck felt like it wuz gonna break off.
on top of it all, i wuz runng a HIGH fever. perfect.
heh oh well, thanx anyways fer the accommodation :)
fer bein a nag and poppin pills into my mouth and treatin me like a baby ! (wad wif tht cold strip)
no one really noes wad i'm sayin.
obviously cos i'm not really puttin the pt across very clearly.
everyone's got their own lil interpretations of my vagueness.
plus the things i say can be misleadg as hell.
guess i'll hafta work on tht a whole lot.
*i only haf myself to blame.
i jez wish pple wld stop jumpin to their own lil conclusions bout everythg.
hmmm i feel fucked up on yer behalf.
how does it feel to be fooled by pple whom u thot u cld trust ?
yer depth perception's obviously wayy off track.
i jez hope u find out soon before its too late.
kinda tks things to yet another fucked up level when u finally realise tht the one friend u thot u had isnt really a friend at all.
to think yer exposing yerself to the enemy/enemies, wifout an iota of doubt tht they're jez out to deceive u.
*warning.
i think i'm too concerned wif all the lil things.
time to start thinkin big & crawlin outta my lil shell.
sometimes, i wonder who my true friends are.
its terribly thot-provoking.
and till now, i'm left wif a very vague list.
aight then again, who holds me as a true friend ?
sometimes, i cant help but wonder where i stand wif my friends.
i'd appreciate it if i wuz told when i'm doin sumthg wrong.
or if deres sumthg u think i shld change abt myself, pls feel free to tell me.
i'm open to feedback and in fact, wld be eternally grateful.
i often find myself lost in my own lil world, completely disconnected frm everyone else.
i tend to drift away into isolation, and somtimes, it jez gets harder and harder to get outta it.
no one's given a bk of instructions to be THE perfect person.
well then again, theres no such thing as a perfect person.
all i noe's i think friendships are the most impt r'ships human beings haf wif one another.
lovers/acquaintances come and go. but friends are forever.
i jez wanna be the best friend i cld possibly be to those who mean the world to me.
*I'm fizzling now thought I had figured it out,
Ball's in my court but I'm scared to dribble it out
Try not to over-analyze your actions to death, dear Aquarius. If you continue to pick apart every single aspect, you will end up getting nowhere. This principle applies to your emotions as well. Be sure that you aren't trying to make rational sense out of every single feeling that comes your way. Feelings are there for you to feel and experience. Allow them to flow through your heart, and not necessarily your head.
last nite wuz incredible tho i only remem the furst part of it.
shall not elaborate so as to save face heh :)
but thanx loads to cindxx, jacq, keiji and gilly -hugs-
u guys r the absolute greatest.
its bin eventful in a way.
everythg jez sorta swooshes past.
and by the time its all over, u still wldnt noe wad'd hit u.
nuthg ever seems to amount to anythg
and i'm pretty positive the fault lies in no one but myself.
last nite wuz strange in a way.
2 events occurring simultaneously.
and the best part wuz, i'm impartial to either.
some revelations of the dayy haf sent me back into the throes of inner turmoil.
tht sentence jez keeps repeatg in my headd.
greed. it cld only be greed.
to relish forever in it wld be a sin.
how to decide ?
beats me.
sometimes, the unexpected happens & it leaves u in sucha state of shock tht u cant seem to
resume in yer usual everyday activities.
adds more weight to my shoulders, but its a burden i'd gladly carry.
sometimes, a simple msg can go a long long wayyy.
doesnt hafta be from the person.
doesnt really even matter wad the content is.
sometimes, its jez the timing of which u receive it tht puts a smile on yer face.
damn its bin a long time since i've got one of those.
dint even mean a thinggg but it got me floatin.
the bitches are certainly a very big part of my life.
met up wif sabby fer a couple of minutes before my movie.
went scurryin off ta lk fer vickiee & vern. those 3 r so delightful to meet :)
i only saw em yesterdayy but it seems like so long ago tht we last met !
everyone seems pretty content & happie.
sorta makes me feel warm & fuzzy inside.
wish grace cldve bin there too.
we poked fun at each other lots, and managed a couple of hearty laughs.
miss those times when its jez the gurls & we cld do/say whatever the hell we wanted.
suaning sessions wif the bitches are SO diff. and special.
i love u gurlies :)
very intimidating.
i feel so awkward in yer presence.
i sense the feelg's mutual too.
if u cld only jez be yerself, i cld ease up a lil as well.
oh well, doesnt matta anyways.
its jez so unbearable havin to be in yer presence.
wish i cldve thot of a way to squirm outta it sooner.
never ever agree to anythg u haf a bad feeling abt.
*they're comin at me from all directions.
tell me wad the hell i'm s'posed to do ?
nv fails to amaze me.
its always the most unimaginable things tht happen to me.
kinda sets me on a highh fer a moment.
then, slowly, reality starts to sink in
and things jez dont seem to be so peachy no more.
false impressions. false hopes.
whatever the case, i'll jez be thankful tht things actually do happen to me.
boredom kills.
n i dont wanna die jez yet.
okayy lameness aside.
everythg seems to be multiplyg/enlarging/increasing/whatever.
my problems/worries/whatever.
my social circle.
my WEIGHT ! (hehe diet partner, anyone ?)
my ___/__/______. (wheel of fortune/hangman anyone ?)
its like a balloon tht u jez keep blowin into.
gets bigger n bigger n bigger.
and one dayy, its jez gonna pop & yer gonna be left wif some stinkin broken balloon.
heh aight i noe i dont make sense.
but thts how i feel !
an impending sense of danger tht sooner or ltr (sooner rather than ltr), my lil world's goonna explode.
n i'm gonna be left wif absolutely nuthggg.
like i told u.
its like tht brainwave graph thingy tht jy told us abt.
abt our attentn span on anythg.
it slowly ascends, hits a climax, then its downhill from there.
thts how it is wif me.
increasing anxiety, excitement, whatever.
hits a peak where ya think everythg's smooth-sailing.
then i freak out and the whole thing collapses.
i've officially screwed up as usual.
whye cant i ever get it rite ?
*yes, indeed, all hope is lost.
satirical humour.
senseless ramblings at appropriate intervals.
protective but not possesive.
confident yet not egoistic.
flirtatious. but not wif EVERYONE.
talkative yet appreciates peaceful silences.
sensitive yet not over-emotional.
a sense of style thts at least pleasing to MY eyes.
the ability to make me smile even at the darkest of times.
dependable. trustworthy.
streetsmart. daring. a risk-taker.
a lethal mix.
also, an impossible find.