rules to live by :
- trust no one.
- dont expect trust frm anyone when
u yerself aint trustworthy.
*both apply in my case.
stupid me.
fer some reason, i'm in the foulest of moods.
woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
sumthg bout the way u paint sucha
pathetic picture of yerself when we talk.
it sorta brings out a delayed reaction in me.
i'm peeved. and yes, i'm aware tht i'm a day late.
how do pple get so shameless.
bin tryin hard to analyse the way u became what u are today.
cld it be yer parents/heritage/culture/religion/environment u grow up in ?
beats me.
i dont noe wad kinda person i've grown to become.
but i'm glad as hell i aint you.
back to bein fucked up and all tht jazz.
funny how my entries alternate.
one day hyper, the next back to screwed up junk.
beginning to see a trend.
i'm surprised tht by now, someone like u
fails to see the hidden msg in my entries.
theres really no need to ask. use yer brains and think fer yerself.
God gave em to u fer a reason, dickhead.
interestg to note how things
can be fine and dandy one moment.
and completely fucked up the next.
guess thts jez how it is wif me.
i'm absolutely clueless as to how pple can deal wif me.
but thts jez the way it is.
it tks a lot to come to terms wif the person u are.
i've learnt to accept tht i'm a bitch.
have u accepted the fact tht yer the scum of the earth ?
char >> i noe how u feel.
when i'm all alone at hm, depression hits at full force.
its no wonder tht all my blog entries sound the way they do.
fuckin morbid. ansty. jaded.
anyways, sharkie, i hope yer alrite.
u noe i'm always here to care & share :)
if u dont start showin up in sch,
sooner or ltr i'm gonna ferget wotcha pretty face lks like.
fuck new yrs resolutions.
every yr the same fuckin hopes.
promises of bein a better person.
puttin an end to fucked up habits tht pull me down.
vows to start doin things more constructive.
they're all a loada crap.
jez mirages of a happy future.
dreams tht sorta make up fer the fucked up times
u've had to endure all yr round.
everythg's jez fuckin distorted to suit yer moods.
*i wish EVERYONE wld stop wif their fuckin questng.
furstly, u have no right to noe.
secondly, i'm perfectly fine. jez dandy.
worm >> good luck.
fio >> live fer the moment.
rongers >> ARGH.
tim >> ARGHHHHHHHHH.
char >> get well soon.
cindx >> where r u.
173 >> HELP. tho theres no way u can. jez puttin up an sos and hopin someone can sense my signals.
vickerss >> .........
*so much fer bein direct.
zong huan.
so simple/happy/carefree.
perfect.
shall bring more food fer him.
hope his eye gets better real soon.
cos its freakin the hell outta me.
i contradict myself a lot.
forgive me when i do.
i say things on impulse.
foolishly.
wifout giving anythg much thot.
then hrs ltr, things start to sink in.
and my perceptions change severely.
well this is jez one of those times again.
betrayal.
my sympathies.
wish i cld apologise.
but i'm really not sorry at all.
if yer expectg an apology
u damn well wait till i genuinely am.
-------i noe i'm jez here to amuse u.
the masochist gnarled at 9/28/2003 03:41:00 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
heres wad me and vickerrss came up wif
durin econs lect today.
(which subsequently led to me gettin called up
to sit in the front row of the LT as punishment :()
>>
a sorta story continuation thingy.
(bold lines are mine and the rest are vic's.)
I kicked his ass
and my shoe got stuck in his asshole.
it started bleeding
and giving out a pungent smell
which smelt like tommy girl.
and it reminded me of mar
who wuz eating in the corner.
she nv shares food wif me. sigh.
anyway, the neighbours came knocking
wif guns in their hands
and sponges in the other's.
they were alarmed tht someone had attacked their Dalmatian.
they shot me in the chin.
OUCH ! tht hurt.
my chin lks like it has a mole now.
now im starting to resemble HIM.
fuck la.
knn ccb.
"Oei!"
I shouted,
"wipe ur fuckin blood off the carpet
and get yer spotted butt off my property."
-the end-
good eh ? hahahahs.
the masochist gnarled at 9/26/2003 11:35:00 PM
::I wrapped myself around her little finger and
she gives me the middle one:: (())
sheer exhilaration.
went gallavantg on old bummin grounds
instead of goin my usual daily route.
saved my ass frm gettin fried as a result
of my laziness and fatigue last nite :)
have bin a gd gurl all yr so its time fer
a lil slackerish fun.
even had required documents to prove my innocence.
or lack thereof.
(go figure)
today went by like a breeze.
skipped donkeykong's lesson (heehorr) wifout
feelin the least bit guilty.
some subjects r clearly outweighed by others
in terms of imptance.
fer the furst time i ponned lesson to go
study in the library.
woohoo~
marvelous aint it ? :)
toilets r certainly not the safest places
to disclose confidential pieces of info.
facts revealed involved rather touchy subjects.
hope no eavesdroppin occurred
otherwise, i'm a dead moose.
shld carry out precautionary measures in future.
the grandstand is the ultimate place to relax on days like these.
the weather wuz perfect.
oh yes, the company too.
:)
princess fluffy. woohoo~
hahahahhas -stares hard-
aight anyways.
everythg's gonna sound a lil fragmented here.
a lil wrapped up in everythg.
u said i'm like quicksilver - i change real quick.
(proven to be very accurate)
told a huge lie today.
the answer's yes. but not fer long.
pple love to assume (aZZume, cindy ? :))
inquisitive, thou art.
even if u knew every lil detail.
it still wldnt do u any gd.
the answer's still ---- DREAM ON.
glass hearts. glossy eyes. glazed skin.
pink panthers are the loves of my life.
no, i'm sorry u cant be one.
try a lil harder.
//Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying "I love you"
Has nothing to do with meaning it ---- maroon 5
the masochist gnarled at 9/26/2003 10:50:00 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Do you have the time
to listen to me whine
About NOTHING and EVERYTHING
all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Or am I just STONED
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
SHE says it's lack of sex
that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
HE said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cause
it's bringing HER down
Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
-----greenday.::.basket case
the masochist gnarled at 9/25/2003 10:28:00 PM
dont try to read me.
im not one of yer transworld skateboarding zines either.
dont misinterpret my words.
and dont read too much into my actions.
i'm prone to giving all the wrong signals.
i act on impulse.
the way i feel now, cld be drastically different frm
the emotions i come to posess in an hr or two.
i've acquired the skill of masking my innermost feelings.
and i'm not afraid to practise them on u.
be observant.
or not at all.
theres nuthg in it fer u if yer jez gonna go in between.
the masochist gnarled at 9/25/2003 10:24:00 PM
today has bin jez abt the crappiest day of the wk.
tho tmr, sat and sun cld possibly make me
tk back tht statement.
i pray not.
i seriously wonder how i cld even manage a smile
afta all the absolute SHIT thts bin happenin to me today.
:(
bummer.
aight on top of the build-up of hmmm agony ?
jy's tutorial jez had to bring more devastation to me.
not only did i fail to write anythg on the goddamn board
(cos everythg i noe's alreadie bin written on the
fuckin thing)
thru sheer goodwill & initiative, i happily went
and answered one of her fuckin questns tht she wuz
addressin to the entire class.
of course, considerg how stupid i am,
i got it wrong. and yes. all hell breaks loose frm there.
felt completely demoralised.
and cos of other matters, a lil frustrated.
(yes chermy, i'm talkin abt IT again :()
maybe it'd be a gd thing if i went back to my old ways.
gurl power. gay pride. and all tht sorta shit.
not tht i dont believe in all tht stuff anymore.
jez not as strongly as before.
well anyhows.
not gonna let all this stand in the way of my progress.
scholastic progress, tht is.
progress in any other sector of my life wld simply
hafta wait till i-dont-noe-when.
gettin a lil sick & tired of unmentionable stuff.
i dont think i need the fluctuating emotions rite now.
beginning to get a lil weary of things.
and it wld seem considerably unwise to pursue
anythg in tht area becos the future wld hold nuthg
but increasing amounts of problems, thus leading to
fucked up moods such as these.
aight i noe i make no sense at all.
:) have fun decoding all tht, those of u who simply
ENJOY pryin into my private life.
things have turned a lil stale.
somewhat ... unnerving ?
yes indeed.
u are far too undeserving.
wrote a poem fer tim today.
hope u dont tk any offence yeah.
all in the name of fun ! enjoyment ! poetry !
at yer expense of course -grin-
oh well even if u dont like it,
u gotta deal wif it till yer done wif tht writing pad.
so DEAL WIF IT :)
its bin raining all bloody day.
all 'cept frm 5-6pm when i walked my dog.
how peachy is tht ?
:)
nice atmosphere fer some much-needed slumber.
unfortunately, tis not the time fer slp !
whilst studyin, i wuz picturin myself in a
nice cosy hse, wrapped up in a blankie,
sittin in front of the blazing fireplace,
sippin cocoa and talkin to you.
its bin a long time since we've indulged in a deep,
meaningful conversation.
everythg these days is jez so mundane.
talkin bout the same old things all the time.
or possibly nuthg at all ?
oh well.
thts all fer tonite folks.
wonder who in hell reads all this shit anyways.
:)
whoever u are.
u have WAY too much time on yer hands.
or maybe jez way too much interest in my fucked up life.
>>better stay on top or life'll kick u in the ass.
the masochist gnarled at 9/25/2003 09:48:00 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
"dead beat" wld be an appropriate phrase
to describe how i'm feelin rite now.
:(
did manage to get alotta studyin done today tho.
-beams proudly-
feelin kinda tubby & groggy.
urghs~
fer some reason, monster trucks jez came to my mind.
hmm they are the absolute coolest.
its bin a long time since i've seen any (on tv of course)
aight anyhows.
gettin a lil agitated wif a certain someone's actions.
but then again, its jez my sensitivity gettg in the way again.
sometimes i wonder why i care so much.
and another thing to note,
a close friend's absence is startg to worry me a whole lot.
some shockin news and the obvious distance is
growing immensely unbearable.
hope you're okayy :(
bin thinkin a lot bout sentosa today.
and a certain someone :)
heh cindy, betcha dint notice my embarrassment
when u caught me daydreamin bout the person -grin-
kinda puts my congested mind at ease fer a short while.
really lookin forward to hittin the beaches,
goin rock-climbin, sky-divin, bungee jumpin.
woohoO~
will either head to thailand wif char fer
our much-awaited shoppin spree.
or off ta aussie wif juju :)
fer some reason, i predict i'll choose to stay in sg.
as much as i enjoy travellin,
the thot of havin to leave loved ones behind
even fer a short period of time
gives me every reason to stay.
cant imagine havin to leave ya'll !
bin foldin hearts wif bus tix endlessly since i've
learnt how ta fold em.
(btw, thanx vickerrrs :))
its so friggin addictive.
heh another one of my outlets of stress relief.
embodies love and err origami skills.
lol.
wad utter rubbish.
everyday brings forth new situations fer me to deal wif.
i s'pose today's occurences kinda irked me a lil.
worries & inner turmoil are the last thing i need rite now.
wish you were here to gimme yer advice.
interestg to note how u fail to appreciate
a person's presence until they start absentg themselves frm yer life.
sigh.
anyhows.
get this.
my mom says u shld drink more milk to increase yer bust size.
hahahs~*
so to all u flatties out dere, u noe wad ta do !
(okayy tht wuz so bimbotically outta pt. but ARGH. its an interestg piece of advice !)
:)
hmmm.
wld like ta end this dull & lenghty entry
wif a solemn apology
-attempts to control laughter-
altho u may haf already forgotten by now,
i still feel really bad abt it.
wuznt tryin to prevent u frm studyin,
altho i guess i wuz in a way.
(contradiction in yer face. deal wif it :) u noe wad i mean lah rite ?)
wuz jez bored :(
yes, so there u go.
i've seriously gotta stop goofin off.
-makes mental note-
farewell everyone.
>> pies. yum yum.
the masochist gnarled at 9/24/2003 08:14:00 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Poseidon
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
the masochist gnarled at 9/23/2003 10:56:00 PM
*i must master the art of anger containment/management.
heard some stuff thru the grapevine today.
not very pleasant things i might add.
wuz seriously at a loss fer words.
wld really like to stop revellin in doubt and cut to the chase.
either pursue the matter or leave it hangin.
however, as we all noe, nuthg in life comes easy.
guess i gotta figure a way outta this on my own.
(duh)
since everyone's whining abt the fuckin promos
i guess i'll leave tht to them & scratch tht frm this entry :)
made 2 new frens at nite study today tho.
-beams-
its nice to noe tht dere are still some friendly pple left out there.
many are walkin arnd like pre-promo zombies.
s'pose its exam stress and shit like tht.
bummer :(
the more i hear of things a certain someone has bin spouting.
the more bottled up wif contempt i am.
its annoying to noe tht pple wif brains the size of peas
have egos the size of australia.
or USA/China/UK ... tk yer pick.
(and no, this is not goin out to you, tho it may seem tht way)
aight i jez typed out a whole chunk of nonsense.
and jez cos i dint post tht last bit,
some error came abt and the whole thing's gone.
arghs~
this is a fuckin pain.
chermy >> guess i'll be needin blasterworm too :(
while everyone's muggin fer bloody promos,
here i am happily listin down holiday activities
to indulge in once hell-zone's bin conquered.
heh a lil inappropriate i noe.
but oh well, it provides me wif a much needed source
of motivation !
thinkin of all sortsa ways to help me get thru this.
gonna embark on a full-blown "reading plan"
once exams are over.
heh time to widen my narrow mind, expand my intellect and vocabulary.
-grin- aight i noe i sound insane. whoopsies~
gonna hang arnd borders and sentosa a whole lot.
woohoo~ cant wait ! :)
hmmm a lil late fer contemplation.
but some discoveries made today haf really got me thinkin.
cant decide if i shld let down my guard or remain cautious bout everythg.
s'pose its not the time to be puzzled bout these things.
sigh~* fickle fickle fickle.
nonsensical me.
the masochist gnarled at 9/23/2003 10:23:00 PM
Monday, September 22, 2003
tis bin a long but productive day :)
gonna continue this fer the next 2 wks.
promos are a fuckin pain
but i guess we all hafta deal wif it.
a certain absence in my life
has left a hollow feelin in my heart.
how can i reach out to u when yer nv dere ?
sometimes its jez so hard to show u care.
i miss graciee, saby, vickiee, jin & vernie.
wonder how everyone's copin wif sch and shit like tht.
grace saby &vickiee are in similar plights.
vernie's got prelims then Os.
and darlin jin's prolly enjoyin the summer over at aussie.
heh u lucky thingg. wonder how's sch tho.
hmms okayy i'm dead beat.
too many things haf jez bin flyin by like darts.
(i haf no idea wad i'm talkin abt)
all i noe is i'm really happy when i'm wif you.
>>subliminal thots.
the masochist gnarled at 9/22/2003 11:50:00 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2003
I am the voice inside your head
and I control you
I am the lover in your bed
and I control you
I am the sex that you provide
and I control you
I am the hate you try to hide
and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr self destruct
I speak religions message clear
and I control you
I am denial guilt and fear
and I control you
I am the prayers of the naive
and I control you
I am the lie that you believe
and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr self destruct
I am the needle in your vein
and I control you
I am the high you can't sustain
and I control you
I am the pusher I'm a whore
and I control you
I am the need in you for more
and I control you
I am the bullet in the gun
and I control you
I am the truth from which you run
and i control you
I am the silencing machine
and I control you
I am the end of all your dreams
and I control you
I take you where you want to go
I give you all you need to know
I drag you down I use you up
Mr self destruct
//nine inch nails
the masochist gnarled at 9/21/2003 11:35:00 PM
the masochist gnarled at 9/21/2003 10:31:00 PM
::I can feel your stare
I'm caught up in the after glare
Something tells me you're not there
Mindless and abused
You don't know you're losing you
Your everything has been misused::
the masochist gnarled at 9/21/2003 08:39:00 PM
the masochist gnarled at 9/21/2003 06:43:00 PM
colour quiz results >>
Your Existing Situation
Feels obstructed in her desires and prevented from obtaining the things she regards as essential.
Your Stress Sources
Resilience and tenacity have become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, leaving her rather isolated in her attachments.
Feels cut off and unhappy because of the difficulty in achieving the essential degree of cooperation and harmony which she desires.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.
Your Desired Objective
Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, and tensions by abrupt, headstrong, and ill-considered decisions or changes of direction.
Your Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.
Your Actual Problem #2
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.
colour quiz
the masochist gnarled at 9/21/2003 05:44:00 PM
Friday, September 19, 2003
today's a relatively depressg day.
& i have no blinkin idea whye too.
it just is.
it jez feels like dere's no one out there
who understands me at all.
no seriously.
this prolly makes no sense to u at all.
but sometimes, when yer feelin yer absolute worse,
it jez so coincidentally seems tht
none of yer frens give a damn ?
aight i'm not blamin anyone here.
i'm jez feelin damn fucked up.
but deres really no one to tell.
sometimes i really wonder
if pple actually mean the things they say to u.
one min everythg's heavenly sublime.
the next yer in the pits of desolation.
i think i jez care too fuckin much.
okayy this is so fuckin emotional.
on to brighter subs.
vickerrs chermy & cindx were over today.
attempted to study a lil fer the econs test tmr.
yes TMR at fuckin 7.30am.
i dont see why the hell it has to be on a wkend.
talked a lot bout our past errr experiences.
heh kinda enlighteng fer everyone -grin-
*cld it be tht my PMS is kickin in a day or two late ?
my mood's swingin like fuck.
sometimes, u smile.
then u think abt it fer a while.
and wonder, wad the hell're u smilin fer ?
jez when u think life's a peach,
it jez rots in yer face.
so wad the hell're u smilin abt ?
do u really mean to smile ?
sometimes, it jez doesnt reflect how u feel inside.
but u smile anyways, cos frowng jez sets yer mood
back even more. gets ya more depressed.
pple get unnecessarily worried too.
yeahh well basically my world's jez crumblin inside.
i'm glad i've got silly adorable frens who're
crackin me up 24/7 :)
*
the prickle & sight of tricklin blood
sorta relieves the pain fer a lil while.
the last one lks pretty nasty.
arghs.
gives me a temporary buzz tho.
wuz thinkin abt goin thru wif gettin some scarring done.
like professionally ?
since i'm clearly obsessed.
will contemplate fer a while i s'pose.
not sure of the costs. and i'm currently pretty broke.
anyhows.
i s'pose deres really nuthg much i can do
bout all the shit thts happening.
i swear my life's like each swing of the pendulum.
fuckin rollercoaster ride.
jez when i thot things were startg to lk up.
i'm jez not so sure anymore.
perhaps a lil insecure/stubborn/sensitive.
sentimentality's a fuckin pain sometimes too.
sure, it gives u tingles inside.
but it tears yer heart ta pieces when it
catches u off guard.
*the distance seems so compelling somtimes.
how the hell'd u get all the way over there ?
saw my lil hotcakes today.
had to pass her tht silly bk.
it wuz nice seein ya darl :)
altho a certain presence soon after sorta ticked me off.
tainted the euphoria.
i dont noe wad it is.
possibly seein you is like addin salt to my wounds.
it jez fuckin hurts.
oh well. then again. i dont hate u.
yes i noe i'm fuckin contradictive. heh
i even irritate myself sometimes.
grrrrs.
+i think i think too much.
i think i talk too much.
i think i eat too much.
the masochist gnarled at 9/19/2003 10:18:00 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2003
*someone rip my heart out pls.
suddenly recalled where my lil
hiding place fer all her letters wuz.
opened up pandora's box.
+sometimes i wonder if i'm makin
the biggest mistake of my life.
i noe i'm gonna regret this.
but i guess, in the long run, its fer the betta gd of everyone.
*yer leavin me here dear, alone wif all yer letters.
yer lettin it go, no, like innocence & feathers.
yer puttin it down sounds slippin into songs
yer leavin me here, dear, alone wif all my wrongs.
yer pullin away, pray yer makin the rite choice.
yer pullin away, stay & listen to my voice.
the masochist gnarled at 9/18/2003 10:17:00 PM
its close ta 5pm & i shld be over at fio's
place by now studyin while they haf
econs tuition !
now i wish i'd gone cos my mother's
bein the pain of the century.
*growls.
dere's plenty to study but fer some reason,
my laziness has gotten the betta of me.
(alrite, wads new ?)
studyin sucks big fuckin time.
speakin of time, i'm runnin outta it.
anyone got any extra bits ta spare ?
heh heard some rumours bout the conditions
fer gettg promoted.
shall indulge in some wishful thinkin
fer the next 5 min.
~*daydreams.
its bin approximately over a month.
& i'm havin withdrawal symptoms.
anyhoo.
i think damo is the world's biggest fucktard.
me & cindx were horsin arnd and
the big black lump of grotesqueness
caught us.
she compared us to cats cos accordg to her
*cats always close their eyes when they've
done sumthg wrong. cos they think tht if they
cant see the person who's witnessed their mischief,
the person cant see em either.
haha. cracked me & the lil elmo up quite a bit.
seriously, like wtf ?!
dere's some orchid festival goin on at
the botanic garden frm Sept 18th -21st.
its kinda nice & all.
(mainly cos there're at least 3 food stalls
lined up along the way -drools-)
lotsa cute lil thingies bein sold.
if u like flowers & stuff like tht.
kinda interesing lah.
bo liao pple like me like bo liao fairs like tht.
:)
so if any1's interested in poppin by one of these days.
lemme noe ! heh max & rusty wld love to go too.
grrrs.
i'm becomin a fattie.
okayy, lemme rephrase tht.
i'm becomin a even bigger fattie.
studyin jez keeps ya to yer chair all day long.
and i munch a lot. during hourly intervals.
heh.
by the end of the yr, i'll turn to flubber.
aight think i've yakked jez abt enuff.
life's too short to spend all yer time
talkin to emotionless objects.
* i kinda miss you.
& i miss the darlin bitches a whole lot -sulk-
bein separated geographically sorta pisses me off.
if i cant even see ya'll tho we're all in the same ctry,
i cant even begin to imagine wad its like fer jin.
heh.
*thinkin of ya'll always.
.::. thou art to me a delicious torment
the masochist gnarled at 9/18/2003 05:09:00 PM
taken frm bloggie*173 :
(vic's entry)
Oh by the way dearies, feel free to leave comments on our story of love. Yes yes, make them as corny as possible. I bet Mar would be the champion. She's always damn lame!
haha. thank u thank u -tks a bow-
the masochist gnarled at 9/18/2003 04:53:00 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
its tht time of the month.
*bummer.
time of pain/suffering/mood swings/breakouts/water retention.
arghs. u get my drift yeah.
:(
me and chermy are currently sisters of suffering.
(anyone watch rollerjam ? hehe)
anyhows.
bin lethargic, grouchy & forgetful lately.
all tell-tale signs of impending doom.
remem i lost my phone ?
well today i left my econs ten-yr series on bus 70
on my way to fio's hse wif vickerss and timmy.
-insert bloodcurdling screammm-
all my doodles/notes/doodles/valuable notes
all vanished. gone. byebye.
-wails-
bad things always happen in threes.
currently waitg fer my third misfortune to dawn upon me.
aight speakin of handphones.
my mom struck lottery !
4D 2nd prize.
*teehee.
the kind soul's gonna pay me back fer all tht
cash spent on my new fone ! -grins-
i guess my luck's not completely rotten afta all.
:)
gonna purchase new specs to replace those
funkayy nerdy ones tht rusty chewed up too.
heh. i sense a couple of sinful shoppin sprees up ahead !
hmmm. think i shld start talkin to my mom more.
the min i get hm frm sch everyday,
i turn on this godforsaken thing and then
i'm glued (emotionally/physically/mentally) to it.
its kinda cruel & obviously not very nice.
after all ... she struck lottery rite ?
-money signs flash in eyes-
haha :) nahh jokin.
i shall attempt to be a better daughter.
study session today wuz tiring.
covered close to zilch.
low productivity level.
heh -grin-
thanx fio fer lettin us use yer condusive study area.
yer sucha sweetie -muacksss*-
cindy the elmo came along afta her outg at marina sq.
*seems to be a war of words goin on arnd here.
all the ambiguity & verbal attacks.
hehe. very entertaining actually.
bleah :(
the period lives up to its name.
(okayy veryy outta pt remark. but hell. this is my bloggie)
hmmm havin slight withdrawal symptoms.
a lil queasy yet lookin forward to sch tmr.
wuz walkin like i had sumthg up my ass
while i wuz on my way hm today.
(dont you dare laugh *)
kinda psyched bout everythg.
(in case yer wonderg, none of this stuff's related)
a lil weary of certain pple.
had a lil discussion today bout racial prejudice & discrimination.
basically, i think its immoral and jez plain wrong
to stereotype and categorize pple based on their skin colour.
pple jez hafta be more open/receptive/tolerant.
who's anyone to judge anyways.
oh well.
had more to say abt tht.
but frankly. i'm too damn tired.
did i say i wuz lookin forward to tmr ?
okayy so i wuz wrong.
tmr brings intolerable cramps :(
*i await patiently in yer sordid torture chamber.
the masochist gnarled at 9/17/2003 11:08:00 PM
Monday, September 15, 2003
furst day of the final sch term.
time to start panicking.
-bites nails-
promos r approximately 3 wks away.
arghhhh~
only got less than 4hrs of slp the nite before.
its gonna be torturous to adjust back
to my usual slping cycle -groans-
i'm someone who cannot have
less than 6 and a half hrs of gd slp.
*bummerrr.
feels nice to be back in sch again tho :)
altho i enjoy solitude very much.
i also prefer to have pple constantly
orbitting arnd me. at a distance.
i'm easily stifled yet i feel depressed/restless/moody
when i'm by myself. hmmmm*
i'm gettin the vibes tht some pple r jez frontin.
perhaps deres more to em than meets the eye.
frankly, it doesnt bother me.
if ya wanna put on a false front and act all civilised.
it aint gonna be a problem to me.
u wanna blow hot & cold.
one moment friendly then sulky & bitchy the next.
thts fine by me too.
the world's gettin overcrowded wif pple like u.
lettin it get to me aint gonna help one bit.
no point in allowing u gain sadistic pleasure
outta my misery & pain.
*what the world needs now, is love sweet love.
glad tht some things haf bin let out into the open.
sorta makes me feel less burdened.
bin filled wif mixed emotions and inner turmoil.
today's sorta bin a roller-coaster ride fer me.
so much politics tht surround us, yet it seems
tht many are completely ignorant/oblivious/unaware.
some pple r jez so hard to figure out too.
(yes more than one person)
the bliss tht existed before seems to have bin
merely a facade to the truths tht lie beneath.
appearances can be deceiving.
i'm sure ya'll haf done enuff lit to noe tht
deception is everywhere and only the smart ones
can emerge triumphant/victorious/unscathed.
*yer the embittered one.
wif devious & malignant thots.
the one who desires things beyond their reach.
goin outta yer way to poison the thots of others.
wad once existed will fizzle out in no time
right before yer very eyes.
sadly, theres nuthg u can do but watch as
things precious to u slip away like grains of sand.
hmm we almost finished watchin american history X
today durin our one hr GP period.
its a fuckin good movie.
disturbin/gut-wrenchin/meaningful story.
its so gd i wanna watch it again ! uncensored of course :)
some parts are so damn painful to watch.
arghhhs~
anyhows. cindx/chermy/fio/vickerss were over today.
exo too before he scurried off ta check out planet fitness *teehee.
supposed to haf studied fer our hist test tmr.
but ERRRR.
basically, the nite ended wif me & cindx swappin our painful stories !
heh realise tht dere are indeed many similiarities in our previous plights.
i'm glad u've gotten over tht hurdle and on to brighter prospects.
(tht sounded weird. but i noe u noe wad i mean ? hehe :))
as fer me. i feel as tho i'm swimmin in the rapids against the current.
"... Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
((inscribed on the base of the statue of liberty))
oh yes i wld appreciate it very much
if pple wld stop interpreting my vagueness
to their own liking.
:)
cos basically, its a fuckin pain.
thanx everyone.
time ta hit the blankies.
the masochist gnarled at 9/15/2003 10:47:00 PM
Hecate
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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the masochist gnarled at 9/15/2003 10:32:00 PM
Sunday, September 14, 2003
//feels like yer invading my privacy
at every damn area of my life.
who the hell gave u the right ?
deres nowhere left fer me to hide.
//cant spend extensive amounts of time
wif any one other person anymore.
nuthg u do is ever right.
yet i'm always the one to blame.
--quit tuggin on my heartstrings.
it wont do a damn thing.
---------------------------------------------------
snoresome sundays suck.
bin tryin ta absorb some history all day.
but the facts jez keep slippin outta my mind.
a certain presence wuz distractg -stares at rongers-
then theres also my comp which i cldnt
tear myself away frm.
( heh i can hear some idiot accusin me of always
puttin the blame on sumone/sumthg else.
*growls))
managed to work out a lil.
but the amt of rubbish i've eaten totally
makes it worth nuthg.
bummer~*
sabyy darlin's fixed up a bloggie fer
all the lovely ladies tht make up 173 :)
(sorry. jez dont like referrin to ourselves
as the b***hes !)
[14].[16].[17].[19].[38].[69]
a mixture of 6 very contrasting personalities.
when put together, they can turn yer
worlds upside down & cause immense havoc
whereever they go.
heh i'm makin us sound like monsters.
whoopsies~* :)
really miss time spent wif ya'll.
we've bin thru a lot tog.
legally/illegally/retardedly/painfully/joyfully.
to me, we dominated the sch :)
its pretty evident tht we've all grown up
and lead completely different lives rite now
where our paths seldom cross.
i'm jez really glad tht we spent last fri at monks tog.
(tho its certainly not my fave place)
altho everyone's changed physically,
yer all still the same colourful/hilarious/lovable pple.
grace's still a toothpick -grin-
but u'll always be the sister i nv had.
the best friend any gurl cld ever dream of havin.
tht private lil piece of info u shared wif us tht nite
also makes me think of u as more grown up now.
or shld i say less innocent ? teehee*
thanx fer really listening & givin me valuable advice.
and makin me feel special/blessed/loved
even when i sank to an all-time low.
vickiee >> yer still tht adorable lil pookie of mine.
my comforting companion (thts wad all teddy bears are)
feels damn awkward not havin u snoozin beside me in class !
heh and no more of yer sexayy-noisy voice
screamin at classmates/snappin at tchrs/
askin me to accompany u to the canteen to buy food*/
askin me to go toilet. hehehe.
whoaaa. i think my daily toilet trips in sch haf cut down by at least 50%.
jin >> altho yer a million miles away,
yer always on my mind.
sometimes i wish i had gone wif u.
miss all yer outta-point remarks (DAMN outta pt)
and yer complete blurness (earth to jinnnnn !!!)
and all yer vulgar squabbles wif yer mom over the phone.
hehe. damn entertaing !
sabyy >> my angel/soso*monsta.
thank gdness no more trips to bayshore ! -grin-
wish u had stayed on in cj cos when u left
i lost all motivation and desire to stay on in canoeing.
thanx fer all those comfortg smses u sent me
when i wuz feelin desolate/heart-broken/unwanted/unloved.
u told me once u'd always love me even
if no one else wld.
well u shld noe tht i feel the exact same way fer u !
vern >> the loudest lil social butterfly.
also the most dramatic & hence, entertaining.
u vic & saby r certainly the most xialan/AA/noisy ones
in the whole of st nicks -grin-
and fer some reason, i'm fuckin proud of tht :)
theres simply no one else like ya my lil offspring.
daring/bold/funny/vocal/rebellious/and also the best broadcastg service on the face of this earth.
teehee :) i must say, i'm a very proud mother.
so many memories of us r now floatin arnd in my mind.
u will nv noe how much u guys mean to me.
hehheh. feelin damn mushyyy nowww !
grrrs.
i may love the period a whole bunch.
but it doesnt mean i love all u pretties any less.
dont u ever ferget tht yeahhh.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*cant seem to get my priorities str8.
cant even make up my own damn mind.
even when yer rite there next to me
i'm still thinkin abt u all the time.
and the minute yer away frm me
i start to miss u even more.
but i cant say its sumthg i nv felt before.
jez wanna relish the solitude fer a moment.
cant afford to make mistakes.*
>>>> No Use For A Name --- Nailed Shut
the masochist gnarled at 9/14/2003 10:56:00 PM
:: for the angel of death
spread his wings on the blast.
& breathed in the face
of the foe as he pass'd.
& the eyes of the sleepers
wax'd deadly & chill.
& their hearts but once heaved
& forever grew still.
>>george gordon byron
the masochist gnarled at 9/14/2003 12:32:00 PM
think its kinda sad tht alotta pple
jez like ta fill their blogs in wif details
of their sorry ass days.
(yes i'm one of those pple)
sumthg vickerrs said today kinda got me thinkin.
wad the hell's the society comin to ?
pple. or shld i say PARENTS.
pple who r responsible fer moulding their offspring
into the leaders of tmr.
wad kinda example r they settg fer their young
when they dont even give up their seats
fer old/sickly/wrinkly folks who have
difficulty standing durin bus rides ?
*trust me, i share yer disgust.
theres more to tht lil encounter.
but it aint my story.
so thts jez a gist of how revolting
some s'poreans out dere can be.
anyhow.
walked my fat ass frm town to esplanade jez now.
kinda exhilarating actually.
i absolutely LOVE walkin.
i cld walk frm here to any damn place.
of course i'd hafta be DAMN free and boliao :)
but yeahh. its therapeutic.
and gd exercise fer a ball of lard like myself.
havent bin feelin too gd due to all the late nites.
(and when i say late i mean -----> LATE)
great weather today :)
even tho my feet are achin like fuck now.
i'm still kinda thrilled tht we covered all tht distance.
*laughter is the best medicine~
fio >> glad ya came over today.
sorry we dint get much studyin done tho.
we really needa get down ta some serious muggin !
gonna try ta go fer nite study as often as i can.
beginning to feel the pressure.
(okayy, i noe i'm a bit slow lah)
hmmm. the nite's still young.
time fer me to dwell on all those silly thots
i've got holed up in tht head of mine.
it really pisses me off when pple ask me
STUPID QUESTIONS.
haha its so damn irritating sometimes tht it becomes funny.
anyways.
there are numerous pros & cons to losing one's hp.
of course more cons than pros (duh :))
but yeahh.
feels gd when yer unreachable sometimes.
no bothersome creatures hounding u
every bloody min of the day.
makin u feel obligated to reply otherwise
they will kao bei.
urgh~
think my bliss will end tmr cos the smartie pants
noes tht it tks one working day fer a replaced
SIM card to be activated.
heh.
oh well.
i've really enjoyed these hols. fer some reason.
maybe its partially due to the time off frm the
tension & stress tht surrounds me on sch days.
and no, i'm not jez talkin abt sch itself and the
shit tht comes wif it.
(unless u consider some individuals the
shit tht comes wif it. heh)
-------googoodolls :: dizzy
the masochist gnarled at 9/14/2003 01:27:00 AM
Saturday, September 13, 2003
:: As you're leaving me here, dear
Alone with all your letters
Don't let go of your innocence and feathers
Now I find every sound reminds me of our song
Since you left me here, dear
Alone with all my wrongs
With my wrongs
::Sooner or later, I'll be gone
When you wake you will see
Sooner or later all the songs
That make you shake will be by me
Sooner or later all the throngs of feelings
We used to appreciate will come rushing back
When you wake up you will see.
>> stroke 9 ------- letters
the masochist gnarled at 9/13/2003 02:58:00 PM
lost my fucking phone.
period.
and i've jez purchased a new 6610.
all $358 of my hard earned savings.
fuck this fucked up society.
fuckers who steal.
fuckers who set hp prices at sucha fuckin high price.
fuckers who deem the 6510 as an obsolete model.
it shldnt be aight.
its a bloody gd model if u ask me.
all my msges down the drain.
all my contacts -pulls hair out-
and since its my own damn fault fer
bein so careless
the least i cld do i pay fer it myself.
ARGH.
those who owe me money.
pls be automatic.
time to get down to some SERIOUS saving.
and studying too.
think i shld spend less on food.
will jez pack food frm home :(
no more purchasing nonsense.
and buyin snacks whenever and whereever.
so much fer new specs/converse shoes/whatever else.
feel bad even claiming money fer
the shit i've bought lately.
*sighhh !
the masochist gnarled at 9/13/2003 02:36:00 PM
Friday, September 12, 2003
I've got no politics no influential friend or two
I've got ideas but it's nothing I picked up at school
I might be running but I'm never running back to you
And here's a letter from the real world I don't expect you'll reply
And anything you're gonna tell me it's just another lie
I had to wait so long that weeks and months that passed me by
You've got no power and my situation don't apply
You ask me how I am I lie and say I'm doing fine
And with your sugar sweetened alibi there was a truth I never knew
And all the attitude you gave me it's coming back to you
String of lies it's always compromise with you
String of lies you know there's nothing left to do
String of lies it's been a string of lies with you
>>googoodolls.::.string of lies
the masochist gnarled at 9/12/2003 01:15:00 AM
Thursday, September 11, 2003
the parental units have returned.
wif loadsa goodies, i might add.
hse seems less empty now.
at least now its more than jez one
stale butt bummin arnd the livin room.
overjoyed tht the sweet mother of mine
has purchased a cute naval stud fer me.
:)
finally, afta months of fear & hesitatn.
i've finally plucked up the courage to
unscrew my original piercing.
(yes, i'm tht chicken)
the new one's nice & dangly !
a lil worried it'd get ripped out or sumthg.
-bites lip-
too bad she only got ONE when they're
bein sold dirt cheap in bangkok.
alrite anyhows.
afta noein fionasaurus fer so many yrs
(since pri 4)
today marks my furst visit to her hmgrounds.
heh her room's neat/pretty/gurly/CLEAN.
not a speck of dust/dirt/grime anywhere.
spent at least 2 and a half hrs at her desk
studyin while she,vickerss & chermy
had econs tuition.
:) thanks fer havin us over dearie.
very condusive place fer studyin.
can i be dere everytime u guys haf tuition ?
-beams-
headed off ta town fer a short walkabout.
wuz pretty damn smashed frm wakin up
so early fer lit lessons this morn.
needless to say, i had fun :)
maybe its the simplicity/stupidity/retardedness/humour ?
*heh whateverrr it is.
borders is my absolute fave place to go.
zines are my life.
love the literature/cooking/psychology/animals/sports sections most.
>>its bin a provocative nite.
[[[[stares hard + grin/grin/grin + mad laughter]]]
*time ta go open up all those
pretty pressies my lovely parents have brought hm.
-------beyonce ft. sean paul
-------.::.baby boy
the masochist gnarled at 9/11/2003 11:05:00 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
*i am to blame.
keep tellin yerself tht.
go on tellin all those lies.
they wont make up fer nuthin.
as i watch u spin arnd in the swirlpool.
i hesitate as u call out fer me.
*doesnt tk much to destroy
sumthg tht wuznt ever really there.
castles in the sky crumble and fall.
so will yer world when u realise
it wuznt really worth anythg at all.
>>
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 11:46:00 PM
my patience is wearing thin.
apparently, i'm not the only one
who has to put up wif u.
its clear to see tht yer gonna be
runnin outta frens real soon.
genuine frens i mean.
cos yer drivin em up the fuckin wall.
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 10:28:00 PM
today's a rather healthy/happy day :)
quite elated tht i dint hafta work out alone
at the gym today ! -winks-
got a LIL tiny bit of stuff done.
(k who am i kiddin. 1/3 of a page
of history is less than lil. its MINUTE)
somewhat relieved tht conversatn
and the overall mood today
dint revolve arnd a particular individual
who will nv thrive in my gd books again.
quite disappointed in myself fer
ever puttin so much trust in one person
only to find out tht person jez isnt
who they seem to be when they're wif me.
*i'll always remember ...
some questns really leave me dumbfounded.
others leave me perturbed.
i dont always have all the answers.
or other times, i jez dont wanna share the answers wif u.
*perplexed.
>>>>white stripes + black math
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 10:00:00 PM
thanks vickerrs fer helpin me out
here and there wif the bloggie.
i'm so in love wif it i cant stop lookin at it !
realise i've bin updatin every bloody 10 min.
-beams-
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 01:18:00 AM
Good stuff, you are "Wedding? I love
weddings! Drinks all around." You're the
life of the party and nothing gets you down,
not even certain death at the hands of your
zombie nemesis or the Navy. Come to think of
it, realism isn't your strong suit...
Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 12:59:00 AM
me showing interest in yer free time
doesnt always necessarily needa be
interpreted as me wanting to spend
tht lil ounce of free time u have wif u.
i'm jez dead curious wad lonerish
lil losers like u do on weekends.
is tht a crime ? gosh.
silly me fer allowin u to think otherwise.
blogs are outlets in which individuals
make use of to let off steam.
the content of the blog needs not to be questioned.
cos very frankly, all the vagueness IS out here
fer a good reason, dont ya think ?
so wldnt the purpose be defeated if
some of u nosey parkers wif absolutely no life
came and interrogated me bout
things tht arent made clear ?
-slaps forehead-
talk abt stupidity.
some pple have no shame whatsoever.
arrogant, cocky lil brats.
jez tk a moment (i'm sure u can spare
5 mins of all tht time u spend braggin bout yerself)
to think abt who yer actually dissin.
(very eminemish)
honestly, if u actually traced it back intelligently enough
(i trust SOME amount of all tht intelligence u
claim u have actually is fer real)
u'd find tht yer makin yerself lk like a complete fool.
sigh.
jez lk at yerself.
honestly.
to think u diss the fashion sense of others.
if u actually had HALF the amount of theirs
u might actually lk like less of a dork u noe.
okayy i've had just abt enough.
jez listen to me.
i'm turning into u !
damnnn.
i must repent.
haha :D
bleahhh.
cocky lil shit.
stop livin on UR-ANUS and
come back down to EARTH, why dont u.
*crap i'm starting to sound like you again.
::Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding::
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 12:27:00 AM
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
the masochist gnarled at 9/10/2003 12:20:00 AM
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Fight Club!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
the masochist gnarled at 9/09/2003 11:59:00 PM
my tummy's startin to growl.
the skinny goat [[g]] still aint here.
heh quite contented wif my accomplishment of the day !
esp since i'm SUCH an IT idiot. its a bloody miracle.
anyways ...
i miss my best friend.
havent spent time wif the toothpick in a long long while.
hmmm.
as fer all those inquisitive lil souls
tht surround me.
u REALLY needa get a life :)
detest pple who persist in noeing every lil
speck of details concerning yer life.
even tho they claim they're tryin to give u space.
heh if thts yer idea of space then .. whoopsies~*
the masochist gnarled at 9/09/2003 07:04:00 PM
Letters To You
Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know
But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
No more looking i've found her
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm gone away...
the masochist gnarled at 9/09/2003 05:43:00 PM
testing ... 1 2 3
:)
*yay.
i feel less imprisoned now.
like a jailbird breakin outta her cell.
okayy as usual i'm spouting nonsense.
lets jez say i'm elated tht
fer the moment,
NO ONE has this add.
and fer once.
i'm actually talkin to myself.
okayy tht jez sounded totally like a deranged person talkin.
*bloop bloop bloop.
the masochist gnarled at 9/09/2003 02:04:00 PM